I need a bit of reassurance. My head knows that I've made a good decision but my heart hurts. At the weekend I broke up with my fiance and I have spent quite a lot of time yesterday and today calling wedding guests, the venue etc to cancel the wedding. I met him about a year ago and we got engaged in May. We were supposed to get married in December and move to another state in February. We broke up at the weekend. The women in my family and some of my friends have been rather pick-me about it and I need to remind myself why I will not regret calling off this relationship.
- His personal hygiene is very poor. In 5 months of living together he got poop on our bed once and his underwear twice. I found it each time. He claims he had not noticed when it happenes but also that it is because he has been unwell. The first time I was embarrassed and just put his laundry in without mentioning it. The second time I told him I would break up with him if it happened again. The third time was the reason we broke up. He also only brushes his teeth for about 30 seconds in the morning and only brushes them in the evening if I remind him to. I do not think he flossed in the 5 months we lived together.
- When he did the dishes he did them so badly that I had to check and redo them pretty much every time.
- He managed to get the laundry wrong even when I pre-sorted it for him. He damaged some of my woolen clothing by washing it in biological detergent and he shrank some of my running things by washing them very very hot.
- He broke my microwave by microwaving metal objects. He nearly set fire to our house by putting non-microwavable items into the microwave.
- He is bad with money. We have been engaged since May and he never bought the ring because he couldn't afford it. Despite having a better paid job than me and living rent free in my previous house for a month before we could move into our own place, he has no savings, was happy to use up my savings and still had to borrow money from his parents to pay the rent twice in 4 months. We travelled, and he was extremely generous, so I guess that was where the money went, but I don't really understand how he was struggling so much.
- He was so shy that it could be a bit embarrassing. For example he would panic when he was asked a simply question (i.e. what do you do?) and then give long and convoluted answers which took about a minute and included a lot of unnecessary information. If a question wasn't directly addressed to him then he would sit in silence watching the rest of the group have a conversation.
- We went to visit 2 cities in the state we were going to move to to decide which we would prefer. I had interviewes lined up and a couple of places I had researched and wanted to check out. He hadn't even thought about a list of things he wanted to check, he just treated it like he was a tourist on holiday.
My heart still loves him but my head knows I couldn't live with him for long without ending up hating him. He is probably he kindest and most thoughtful person I know, but I just can't tolerate living with him and his personal hygiene repulses me so I don't want to have sex with him. We talked about each of these things each time it happened and he would always promise to do better, and he did improve especially with the dishes, but I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life parenting my partner. When I was telling a friend (or maybe reminding myself) this earlier, my friend tried to reassure me that it's ok and that she also has to remind her husband to brush his teeth. And my mum has been defending him saying that he's kind and that no men can do these kinds of tasks. I don't have any FDS friends IRL but I think it's FDS energy I need right now.