Social media has become a hub for dating advice as people have normalized confiding in internet strangers over everything from first date horror stories to the latest relationship tests. It’s given rise to its own niches of content from self-proclaimed dating experts building followings around the advice they preach.
Some of the most popular of these advice gurus are encouraging women to turn dating into a game of strategy. To win? Attract a man who’s willing to pay all the bills, spoil his partner with gifts and fund a lavish lifestyle.
A man would never ask his dream girl to split a bill, some of these influencers have said in their videos. Women should see themselves as a “prize,” something not easily won over, others said in videos. And self-described financial adviser SheraSeven, who’s built a loyal following teaching women how to pursue wealthy men, has said a man who wants a woman to bring something to the table can “go to IHOP” instead.
Many within this category of dating influencers also sell coaching sessions, courses and e-books, all touting tactics to help their audience successfully attract a man with a “provider” mindset.
Cécile Simmons, a researcher studying what she described as “anti-feminist influencers,” said she doesn’t see the rise in this type of content as that surprising.
She said it may be a reaction to ideas commonly shared in the “manosphere,” a network of online spaces where men often talk about women in terms of “sexual market value” and trade tips on how to become a “high-value man” or “alpha male.”
“In these really misogynistic communities, there’s this idea that all women want is a rich guy. The incels and all these communities hate women for that,” Simmons said. “So then you have some women reclaiming that, saying, yeah, I want a rich guy and I’m entitled to that — a bit like the manosphere guys would say they’re entitled to an attractive woman.”
As I was reading this, a few of these coaches came to mind: Sheraseven, thehighlydesired, yourfrenchbff. While it's good to have standards, women should also have their OWN money. You never know when a man is going to turn on you. These coaches should speak to older women who were married to traditional provider men. It was not always sunshine and rainbows. I've been watching videos on YouTube where former tradwives spoke about their experiences. They talked about how their husbands left them with nothing, about how they wish they finished their education and so on.
"These coaches should speak to older women who were married to traditional provider men. It was not always sunshine and rainbows. I've been watching videos on YouTube where former tradwives spoke about their experiences. They talked about how their husbands left them with nothing, about how they wish they finished their education and so on."
THIS. I was married, and once we had kids I was gradually pushed into taking more and more "family" responsibility and supporting his dream career & travel. Still, I finished grad school and began working hourly in my profession. I remember my mom saying, why are you trying to do everything? You're always exhausted. Let him pay.
When I caught him cheating I was SO happy I had my own money - not a lot, but I hired a lawyer, paid off my car, and bought a little house. I couldn't imagine being trapped with someone I couldn't trust just because I had become dependent. You can do the tradwife thing all you want but that is never going to guarantee a return.