Over the last couple of years, dating app companies like Match Group and Bumble have learned that, like love, their business is a battlefield. Their stock prices are on the rocks. Their investors are heartbroken. They're getting ghosted by users and failing to woo Generation Z (and Millennials). It's no wonder why the CEOs of both companies have recently resigned.
Lost love in the crowded dating app market is nothing new. One moment a dating app might be hot and heavy with consumers, but the next they're getting dumped. Match Group has tried to overcome this problem by incubating new dating apps and, more aggressively, acquiring rival ones. Originally just associated with the dating site Match.com, Match Group now oversees a sprawling dating empire of at least 45 dating apps, including Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge and The League.
Before we dive deeper into their problems, it's worth saying that dating apps have helped many people find love. According to a survey of Americans by Pew Research Center published last year, "one-in-ten partnered adults — meaning those who are married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship — met their current significant other through a dating site or app."
But there's an awkward tension at the heart of the dating app business model. They are for-profit tech companies that want to attract as many users as possible and inevitably make money from them. But at the same time, true success for their users — at least for the large population looking for more than just hookups — means that they find love and get off the apps. For each successful match, the dating app loses not just one, but two customers!
Call it the dating app paradox: Dating apps are supposed to be matching lovebirds together, but once they do, the lovebirds fly away — and take their money with them.
Dating apps are designed for the benefit of repeat/permanent customers — that is, men looking for hookups. I see people insist that dating apps work because they met their spouse there, but usually they met their spouse 10+ years ago when the apps really were more for dating than hookups. The cynic in me also wonders how many of these "dating app success stories" are between two people who were both lonely enough to settle with the first person they matched and met. I know I've met many men who tried to make me their serious girlfriend after one date. It wasn't because I blew them away.
I checked the apps today. Every profile I looked at was a man pretending to be looking for a relationship, but reading between the lines it was obvious that he was looking for hookups. There’s certain phrases and words they use that make it clear they aren’t taking it seriously, which means they are looking for easy sex.
The only thing we women can do to combat this is to stop using them. (I know, I myself am guilty of relapsing occasionally — it’s hard.) There are already 70% of men vs. 30% women using these apps. It wouldn’t take a whole lot to get that margin even greater. Once dating apps as they are now stop making so much money, someone will try to find an alternate way of doing things. There is no reason for them to do that yet though; there’s just not enough real market demand and anytime someone tries to do something different it fails because they can’t compete with the popular apps.
Guy wearing a baseball cap to hide his balding head
Guy with middle finger to the camera
Guy who is divorced but isn't involved with his kids because his ex-wife is a bitch and don't you feel sorry for him and nothing is his fault
Guy who is down for whatever you want with only good vibes and why can't we go with the flow
Guy who is clearly in his 50s but he put 29 as his age
Guy who is clearly homeless and does drugs
Guy hugging a woman in the picture or holding someone else's kids
Guy in a wedding suit because that's the only picture where he is dressed up
Guy who only wears t-shirts in every picture
Guy who made 50 accounts that you report each and every one but he keeps making accounts and popping up on your feed
There's more but I'm tired now.
Dating apps don't work because it lacks the one thing humans need to be able to assess chemistry, and that is nonverbal communication. When we used to meet people organically and through our friends, IRL, we would be able to read nonverbal cues and be able to feel that energetic chemistry with a person. Now we just endlessly scroll pictures and boiled down chemistry to a photo.
It definitely is a paradox just like how Facebook tricks people into feeling "connected" but their goal is to get people to click their ad spaces. We live in an attention economy now. the apps main goal is to definitely keep our attention on them for as long as possible. Also the roots of certain platforms are substantially passive incel-ish male voyeurism. Facebook started out as a way to quickly rank and visually access the most beautiful women in college campuses i believe.
Hopefully one day someone will build an app that is FDS oriented, if one were to exist I'm sure many incels would be offended by it but it may probably exist in the future because anyone can put up apps if they have the skillset and funding.