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Crushes are often rooted in dopamine rushes, and not attraction that stems from an actual connection. I noticed that I would get a dopamine hit from a specific person and then associate them with that. They essentially become an addiction, they can either make me anxious or give me some sort of euphoria.
I think that the sensible thing to do is disengage, and evaluate why I feel so drawn to the person, whether there are tangible reasons or not. Often, with a bit of distance and rationalizing, the crush just fades.
I'm trying to learn to build attachment gradually, so that the bond is rooted in reality and not just because I need to feel something.
Redirecting that energy towards myself and activities that I enjoy doing is also helpful in managing crushes (I personally do strength training and boxing, I find that working out helps a lot).
I have ADHD so the dopamine aspect might be a major one for me but I think it still applies to neurotypicals to some extent.
Yes! The addiction and euphoria is intermittent reward. This is how manipulative tactics come in to keep you around begging for more. They use it in slot machines for instance.
Absolutely disengage and self reflect on why!
I found my answer many times and if this person reminds you of a parental figure or a past person that caused you to feel so insecurity, neglect or pain. Know that that is the wrong guy! you are trying to fix. Know that you better now than to fall for that 💩 again ❤️
I relate to this as well. My therapist and I talk about “feeling neutral” or at least working toward that. Instead of “WOWW YESSSS 🔥💯🥵” at any little thing, it can just be like, “that’s interesting.” Maybe this sounds like a boring way to live but it helps me reset into the reality of men. This is the opposite of my personality around female friends but it’s working for me with regards to crushes.
This is a much better outlook! I think the handbook even says that it doesn’t benefit us at all as women to have a crush.
First of all, be gentle and forgiving with yourself. A lot of the times, when I really get into something that is related to female empowerment, it's easy for me to want to really go all the way with it and strive to become this unemotional ice queen. Not that this is something I am accusing you of, but something I wanted to bring up from my own POV in relation to crushes.
It's okay to have feelings for other people. This is a joyful manifestation to the fact that you are a human being that is alive right now in this moment. We are all going to die someday, and it is better to live a life where we can be authentic and truthful of our own feelings and emotions rather than just stuff it down or try to explain it away. It's there and you feel it, and that's okay. You are safe to acknowledge that.
From what I've learned so far, it is said that having a crush is really you feeling that something is missing within yourself that the other person has (or at least, what you perceive what the other person possesses and you don't). So for example, if you have a major crush on a man who goes to the same coffee shop as you do who is very talented in the arts, dresses impeccably well, well read, and has this very natural ease of being able to talk and charm with whomever he comes in contact with, what does this mean for you?
Maybe you should try your hand at signing up for an art class at your local community center or college to gain useful skills. Maybe you should take a look at your wardrobe and see what should be donated, what should be thrown out or given away to someone else in your life, or schedule a consultation with an image professional who can help you shop for clothes that will make you look and feel amazing. Maybe you need to get yourself a library card and start challenging yourself to reading 50 books in one year. Maybe you have social anxiety or aren't sure how you come across, so joining a toastmaster's club to practice the art of public speech.
These will all elevate your self image and confidence. As you level up more and more, your crushes will become more sporadic and you become harder to please lol. The only way a man can catch your interest now is if he really goes out of his way to talk to you and make you feel especially good about yourself, and romance you like the way you deserve. Anything less is a dealbreaker.
Good luck, you got this!
I’m like this too. But find it worse when I’m dating a guy who I romanticise and that I put on a pedestal. It stresses my nervous and immune system big time! As a psych student I feel this is because we are codependent, experiencing a trauma bond with something we find familiar from our past or both.
If you feel secure in someone’s life then you don’t feel this way. You have no need for worry too much or at all. So I feel it is these painful feelings that can sometimes alert us to something not so healthy in the other person. Sometimes work we need to do also
Yes yes yes I thought i was the only one, at least for me it's hard to handle all the emotions, i have always lived "up in my brain" and ignored many sensations and emotions, so my therapist told me that i have to learn to listen to my body and recognize what its signals mean, otherwise i might get scared or confused, especially when you feel very emotional around your crush and stuff. It suckssss. I'm a work in progress but my path has included: meds, meditation, yoga, changing what i consume media wise (no porn, no obsessing with social media, careful with tv shows and movies and books: i choose uplifting ones) a lot of self help books about emotions and feeling your body, understanding how to feel more feminine and allow myself to be more feminine and even emotional sometimes, finding some time every day to feel and name my emotions (kind of a meditation, but scanning my emotions in a way?) And years of therapy of course, because the relationship with the therapist itself helps you regulate how you interact with people. Ideally having good people around would be great because they naturally make you feel better. That's a big help. To release some frustration remember that you're not supposed to change so much in so little time
I thought I was the only one who does this. When I'm single or not crushing on anyone, I'm perfectly fine and happy with life. Once I go into infatuation mode, all common sense is lost. I'm hoping that since it's been years that I've crushed on anyone and that I'm slightly older, I can handle myself if I meet someone I'm keen on.
I think from a science perspective it’s just high chemistry chemicals. When you don’t want to fuck em anymore everything else fades too! Sorry for bluntness lol
I'm thinking that I'm anxious for him to approve of me and having a crush definitely puts me in the pick me mindset! Not good for establishing an actual connection lol. I even have bad dreams where I'm trying to be nice to him and he is rude to me lol, but this poor guy has never been mean to me. Watch yourself like a hawk for pickme behaviors and keep those bad habits under control. And keep reminding yourself it's not fair to project fantasies onto someone, and to actually wait and see what their real actions and words are.
I'm just starting to be more friendly with him in small doses and he perked up and is initiating similar friendly convos with me back. I'll say it feels better to take a step back, evaluate if this crush is logical, then build up a normal paced connection on your own terms. And I remind myself a lot to mellow out and follow "if he wanted to he would" religiously. I sit back and force myself to be a bit more passive. If he wants to go out of his way to talk to me he will, if he wants to keep a conversation going he will, if he wants to show his interest in me he will find a way to do so.
And if your crush doesnt have much interest in you back then that should be a clear cut crush killer. We deserve to be wanted and welcome!
I’m drunk right now 😂and I love you!! That was brilliantly put ❤️
Lol I love you too lotus, happy Saturday! 💕