I had a short but intense relationship for a few months in 2020. He taught me about covert narcissism the hard way. Googling the torturous situations he put me through is how I found FDS. Eventually I summoned the self-preservation to dump him, and I embarked on a long journey of healing, growth, and celibacy.
After 2 YEARS of mutual no-contact, he recently reached out on a social media site that we had never before used to communicate. Seeing his name in my notifications flooded my body with physical anxiety. It brought back all the suffering and emotional devastation he had inflicted upon me.
His message was only a few words, to the effect of “What’s up?” This was the burning question he had to ask after years of silence.
Obviously he only wants to disturb my peace, to hoover me, to see which of all his exes will respond when he’s having a lonely insecure night and his narcissistic supply is exhausted. He is transparently pathetic.
Despite the absolute misery that he caused me, I’m so happy that dating him led me to FDS. I took a moment of gratitude that my current boyfriend makes me feel continuously calm and cherished, and then I blocked and deleted the ex.
Given enough time, they ALWAYS come back. More than your love, sex, or company, they want your ATTENTION, which is precious and finite. Never engage with them! Any reply at all, no matter whether it is cutting, heartfelt, or dismissive, will only satisfy them. The only way forward is to deny them your attention. Block and delete, and carry on with your peaceful, contented life.