Hi to All!
I posted back in September 2022 out of rage, tiredness and utterly despair.
I wish I could say that after reading some of the comments I woke up and felt better and did better.
I can only say that unfortunately, it took me a full year to stop thinking about him and the men in general.
The only great thing I resolved to have is no interest in actively dating. I am not truly invested and I don't care. My life simplified quite a lot when you stop obsessive over men and why they treat like crap and what are you missing that makes them treat you like crap.
One positive thing is to see my brother listen some of my advice and experience and apply to his relationship. He married a nice girl and they seem happy. He treats her with white gloves. He cares for her health and he is supporting her thorugh her master degree. He proposed quickly and made all the arrangement needed, so she only concentrated in the party and her master. She literally never had to call for anything or stressing over housing, furniture or such. He did everything, which suprised me and even my parents. (We are Muslim so the men has to provide the moeny, however they are usually unable to plan anything beyond playing COD in the evening).
I still live with my parents, wich is very bittersweet. My mom cries weekly because I am not married and old now. My dad is upset too. I had to go to 2 day speed dating, and when I was not selected by anyone, they understood why I am so tired of all it. I am not the dream girl of those men so I will only get treated as a maid and sex worker who needs to pop up babies and maybe even work hard to fill their gaps.
I still work two jobs, still trying to figure my life, while my siblings are settling in nice careers and opportunity. (The PhD sister is now Lecturer!!!) So even if I couldn't do it, it's nice to see some results.
The only moment I was proud off is that I briefily met my "ex" and I felt nothing and I did not went to home to cry for days. I simply wish him well. His wife is pregnant so bless that child and whatever.
I wish I made way more progress. I wish I could say that I am now a badass woman who takes her space. But nah, unlikely, but at least I feel peace. It is what it is and living for men to pick is truly not worth it. Partnership with them is truly not worth it.
Wrong. YOU did not select anyone. You are not a pick me, you are a queen. Queens are not waiting to be picked, they do the picking. But let's pretend for a while that you were "not picked". That's actually great!! All of those men noticed immediately that you are high maintenance and high value, which means that they had nothing to offer to you. Let that sink in. Go you!!! It's a good thing if most men are intimidated by you. That means you are not a door mat.
Keep going. You are strong. Slow progress IS progress, and you've made so much progress mentally already! I'm rooting for you, you got this.
i might be wrong but you give me the "vibe" of a very giving woman who focuses a lot in improving other people's lives and finds herself not that important. i also think being religious and a woman makes this personality trait super strong. this might slow progress, although i believe you made TON of progress by forgetting a serious relationship/potential husband in just a year. the only thing that helped me was therapy and i only slightly improved and became more self centered / more peaceful mind. i have always battled with lower self esteem so it's hard to invest in myself if i find everyone else more worthy than me. but that's what we have to do to improve our life. i'm sorry you feel not enough, but on one hand i believe that deep down you feel like this because you know you can do better than this, and it's not bad, it means you're not truly "resigned" and haven't given up on yourself. just know that you need to encourage yourself too because adapting in a country with a different mindset is SO hard (I'm an immigrant) and you feel alone a lot and in our case, a small drawback might have consequences. don't compare yourself to other successful immigrants like friends and family, i'm not saying that they do not deserve what they have, but if you didn't get it , it doesn't mean you're not worthy. sometimes we just are less lucky, have drawbacks, went through something harsh, and they didn't, or they will pay for it later in life if they only focused on their career for example and not on therapy and so on. also your parents seem SO dramatic lol seriously different culture clashes make me feel idk crazy, what is normal in europe is terrible for foreign parents an they confuse us a lot. they live in their bubble, we are the ones who actually have to face the clash in values and ideals. my point is you're doing a lot of work that no one who doesn't go through your life understands, so i understand why you feel bad but it's not true that you didnt do enough, imho :)