Back when I was unwoke, I had crushes on men. They all turned out to be taken. I know FDS tells us not to think about men who didn't signal their interest in us, but I can't help but feel unhappy that this keeps happening. Is it a bad thing to use the spite I feel as a motivation to improve myself (e.g. find a better paying job, learn new things, become more confident, etc)? I'm not doing this to win the guy's attention (I didn't even keep in touch with them) but I desire to live a better life than them. I know leveling up is good but this is driven by anger and frustration.
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The reason why i turned a bunch of aspects of my life around was to be better than the guy I was talking to last year. He just annoys me cause he thought he was better than me but "I can still be part of his life". Loool. No thanks, I got it.
Whenever I feel lazy I just think if he talked to me now and I would tell him about my life would he feel insecure? No? Time to get up girl. Its "mean" but he deserves it and it works for me. Besides, I would never talk to him again.
I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Keep doing what you can to be your best self. If it's out of spite- so be it. Eventually, you'll reach "meh" and realize you're not doing it for that reason anymore, you're doing it for yourself.
I look back at how my ex tried to destroy me in our custody battle. I think he really wanted me to kill myself, and he thought he could get me to do it. When we first split I had nothing (actually I had about negative $50,000 because that's what he stole from me). I had zero self esteem, and I was wasting away (literally- I was 5'6" and about 90 lbs. from all the stress). I refused to let him win, and I fought for a new life. Now I'm fit, I've got a nice home, I've repaired my credit, and I'm about to graduate nursing school. AND I've got the kids. He lost in literally every single way.
I no longer use him as my motivation- this is my journey and I just don't care about him at all. But I do laugh my head off when I see him. He always has this deer in the headlights look, like "where's that silly girl I used to manipulate? Who ARE you?"
I've never used anything but spite as motivation and while I don't recommend it long term... It's very fun 😂.
If this mentality motivates you to improve yourself, then I think you are fine. You’re a human being with emotions and ego. The best we can do is to use our emotions for a positive cause. Suppressing them isn’t healthy
My journey pretty much began after a guy I developed feelings for ghosted me. I have used it as motivation. I tell myself that I am more than him, better than him, that I won't let him break me. I want to look back on this experience and know that I did something positive with it and changed my life for the better. It definitely helps fuel me.