Let's talk about that knee-jerk guilty feeling you have whenever your date gift/pay/do something nice for you:
"He paid for this very nice dinner at this mega expensive restaurant and give me a bouquet. I feel terrible if I reject his advances!"
"I am terrified the guy will demand me sleeping with him if I let him pay - so I will go 50/50!"
"OMG he just bought me expensive jewelry set costing thousands of dollars - I have to gift him something back of equal value/sleep with him/do anything he demands!"
"I am afraid if he pay all the bills he will have absolute power and I have to do everything he wants - so I will pay my half of the bills and have equal say in the household!"
"It is only fair I gift him back something of equal value or pricier if he gifts me something for birthday/anniversary/christmas etc."
Ladies, we need to understand that if the man demands/expect something in return whenever he choose to give or do something nice for you - the problem isn't about the gift itself. And the solution is not to give something back or "pay back" with your body.
The problem is the man. And the solution is to get rid of the man. Because you are dealing with someone who take a very pure wholesome practice of gift giving and make it into a tool of subtle coercion.
GIFT GIVING IS A CHOICE, NOT A TRANSACTION
You see, when someone decides they want to give you a present or do something nice for you - that's entirely their choice. You didn't ask them to, you didn't put a gun to their head, they won't get struck by lighting if they don't do it.
Repeat after me: they CHOOSE to do that on their own. Just like how they CHOOSE to pursue and date a woman - so he have to understand what's to be expected. He can CHOOSE not to do it, not to date, spare himself all the trouble - but he doesn't.
And along with that - when a man CHOOSE to marry you and start a family with you, it is expected of him to know what he is getting into. Bills for a family is expensive, raising a child is expensive, having a wife is expensive. He ought to know, understand, and embody all that before saying "I do".
That's a choice that is entirely the man's responsibility - not you.
So when he say bullsh*t like "relationship should be 50/50 (aka you pay your own food)" and "I pay this and that for you, you must sleep with me!" - that's a manchild who wants you to pay for the choice he makes.
Do you really want to waste your time with that man?
YOU DO NOT OWE HIM ANYTHING JUST BECAUSE HE CHOOSE TO BE NICE TO YOU!
When you decide to give something nice to someone/do something for them - do you expect them to pay you back with something equal/more expensive, demand them to give their body to you, or giving because you want them to do something for you in return - do all that tit for tat thing?
Of course not, because you are sincere. You just want to do something nice for someone you care about. You feel happy when you see them happy - well, a dose of that overflowing helper's high is nice too - but the main point is that you choose to it. You are happy, they are happy, all is good. Simple as that.
What did you "expect" when they receive that gift you painstakingly hunted down? Let me guess - a simple "thank you", happiness radiating from their smile, and them appreciating that gift.
You don't expect them to "pay you back" or anything like that - because that is weird. Like you are forcing them to pay you back when that is not your intention at all. You ended up feeling bad for trying to make them happy.
See, you know this fact already!
How come this very fact suddenly vanish when it comes to receiving gifts and care from a man who are suppose to be romantically interested in you?
"SO WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I RECEIVE GIFTS/SOMETHING NICE FROM HIM???"
Here we are talking about a HVM who is courting you:
Just like how you "expect" someone receiving gifts from you to act - a simple "thank you", happiness radiating from you smile, and you appreciating his gift.
More so from a man who is courting you - he is suppose to be 10 times more than a normal friend giving you gifts - he is suppose to use everything in his power to IMPRESS you. He is SUPPOSE to shower you with gifts and do nice things to you!
You are suppose to LET HIM properly do his courting. You must LET HIM do all he can in his power to impress you. You must ALLOW HIM to prove himself to you! Offering to pay half for the food isn't "you being nice and fair" in his eyes - you are disrupting his effort in trying to impress you.
In the process of dating and courtship, a man simply have no idea what it is that will impress you - so he follows the universal etiquette of courtship - giving you gifts and doing something nice for you.
And if he see you being happy and beaming with his gifts? That signals to him that he is in the right direction and encourage him to give more and do more for you - in hopes that you will develop romantic feelings for him.
And plus, seeing you happy makes him happy - that's all he needs from you ladies. This very simple fact that you already know when you are being the giver, but somehow got lost in the void when you are being the receiver - especially from a man who are suppose to be romantically interested in you!
Feeling guilty, awkward, offering to pay half of pay the next date, pay him back with something equally expensive, say "It is too expensive, I don't mind something cheaper/if you don't give me anything" not-like-other-girl style etc.?
A genuine HVM who sincerely wants to court you will see all of the above as negative responses and his spirit will be dampened.
And here we are talking about LVM/NVM who uses gifts and being nice as a coercion tactic:
Now that we realize what the practice of gift giving truly is - you also need to realize that knee-jerk guilty feeling you have whenever the man you are dating choose to give you gifts/do something nice to you - and you feel heavily pressured to "pay him back"?
That is all part of the patriarchal brainwashing.
Again, they manage to convince us that since we now can work and have financial freedom - we somehow "owe them" our body, our time, our money, our everything when they CHOOSE to give (mediocre) gifts and (reluctantly) do nice thing to us.
That somehow receiving gifts and being thankful for it isn't enough - we literally have to kiss their feet because they are "kind" enough to be nice to us - mere peasants , how dare you!/s
They scare women so much with the stupid-ass "gold digger" thing that a woman asking for a shred of love and care from a man who is SUPPOSE TO BE HER PARTNER is "asking too much, the gold digging w***e!"
Yet they have no qualms - they even think it is their God-given rights to expect our entire existence to be dedicated to them. They have no problem taking from a women and wringing her dry - they truly feel entitled to it.
Think about the audacity of men, and you will realize that knee-jerk guilty feeling when he CHOOSE to be nice to you is totally ridiculous.
YOU DO NOT PAY THE MAN BACK - YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO JUST RECEIVE, SMILE, SAY THANK YOU, BE HAPPY.
Receive, be grateful, be thankful, smile, beam at him. But that's it. Do nothing else. Receive the gift, enjoy the care, rest in your womanhood and let him court you.
This is what HVM needs from you - it signals that his efforts is in the right direction and he is encouraged to ramp it up.
This is also how you will vet the LVMs - if he expect something from you after "all the nice things" he CHOOSE to do for you? Cut him off, block and delete.