I believe that dating should be a fun, casual experience where we allow men to compete for us and we then choose who we go out with. I've been actively dating a year and have allowed myself to be taken out by some amazing men, and have also turned some others down. I thought it would be fun if we listed what we say yes to and what we say no to. These are mine, and apply to being approached by men online and in person. Also I am using the world "What" instead of "Who" because these apply to both men and behaviors.
*A man who makes a connection with me right off the bat or develops it within a couple days (online or in person, a little harder to do online but still possible!)*Someone who confidentially asks me out within an appropriate time frame*Someone who makes quality plans and sticks to them*Someone who is older (not a huge age gap, though I am guilty of being attracted to much older men every once and a while) and makes equal or more money than I do *Respects my boundaries. (duh) One of my big boundaries in the initial dating phase is I will not give my phone number to a man from an online dating site until I've met him in person and determined he's "safe" enough to do so. I've had men actually get angry at me for not wanting to give my number out and get off the app.* Quality compliments - meaning compliments that don't have anything to do with my appearance * If in person a certain presence -some men have a certain presence that I find intoxicating. It's not something I see everyday. It's a stoic, seen some shit, command presence. He has a quiet power that he doesn't have to scream to the outside world.
*If online - a man who tries to ask me out within the first few messages without attempting to make a connection, or leaves his phone number without me asking for it.
*Anyone younger than me or makes less money ( I've gone out with younger guys who make less than I do and I've ended up taking on the masculine provider role, which doesn't feel good to me)*Online catcalling (Hey beautiful, hey sexy) Comments about my appearance from strangers on the apps really grosses me out. I love it from men I'm intimate with - but not from strangers. *Asking me what I do for a living (Despite me wanting to date someone that makes equal or more money than I do I NEVER ask men what they do for work)
*A certain quality of date. I'm comfortable enough flying solo that I can say no to dates if they don't meet my standards. * Spontinaitey, too much in the moment, inability to plan ahead. i.e. Asking me out for same day dates. I've dated men like this in the past and it puts me in the masculine place of having to be the one who makes the plans instead of being able to lean back and show up.
What are some of yours? Mine all apply to the initial dating phase because that's where I am right now. We are all in different phases in our relationships with men, feel free to share any and all!