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I've tried several, and they're all full to the brim with fuckboys, NEETs, pickup artists, cheaters, unemployed or under-employed manlets, and other garden variety scrotes. Exactly zero of the apps have a high percentage of high value men which is what I feel like you're asking about (though they may claim otherwise), so you'll essentially be dumpster diving, and your boundaries and standards better be rock solid because they will be tested on a regular basis.
For the record, I have used Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, E Harmony, and Ok Cupid. You'll have the most options on Tinder and Hinge since they're pretty popular, but again, you're going to be deleting and un-matching most of the dudes for being gross or doing some LV shit like stringing you along without asking you out (text-tationship) or asking you for a coffee/walk "date" to gauge how cheap of a lay/pushover you can be, or some other kind of neg or pickup artist voodoo that they think will get them sex easier but in reality it just makes them seem strange and under-socialized. Which I suppose they are. Ok Cupid makes filtering easier in some ways, and you can see how much effort they put into their profile to see if they're worth your time.
I'm not going to tell you to not use online dating apps, because I get it, I really do, we want to date, we're cursed with heterosexuality, meeting single men organically can be difficult depending on your job and so on...but dating apps are largely an exercise in frustration--for me, and I think it's the case for a lot of other women. Because most men don't care about wasting our time or hurting our feelings, it's all about what's most convenient to them for their wallet or their penis.
So, use them you want, but when it starts to feel less fun and more like a burden, you feel like the clock is ticking and maybe you should just settle for this one dude who's not completely terrible even though you're not really into him...you need to get off the app or website, ASAP. Spend your time doing other things that make you happy, and only when you're ready, and if you're ready, go back and try again.
strange and under-socialized.
Every word here is true!
Men on multiple OLD platforms will message not to neg but flat out insult with no veil of compliment.
OLD can make you feel as if basic respect and common courtesy are outdated, or a man with the most basic requirements does not exist (such as a non-smoker with at least a high school diploma/GED, a full time job who wants/doesn't want kids etc). So many are underachieving, and IME the ones with better careers seem to be really into themselves or inactive.
OLD costs a significant amount of time, energy, and effort to sift through men you would never dream of even speaking to. I am convinced OLD is designed to make women settle or simply aimlessly scroll in misery. As someone here previously wrote, women are the commodity on the apps. There is pressure to "just pick someone" and think "gee, they can't all be that bad. Maybe I'm just extremely picky and judged someone for something "shallow." Meanwhile the "shallow" thing is often evident to be a an entire personality flaw 😂
Further, I don't know about you but OLD showed me the (socially sanctioned) cultural narrative of men acting as "main characters" and women being NPCs. On OLD an accomplished educated woman with a rich social life, prosocial/agreeable attitudes, and great work ethic, is expected to seriously consider responding to the underemployed man with significantly less basic adult achievements, repulsive personality in his profile, and visually poor hygiene. The actual app's AI can match us ignoring our filters on some apps, including matches with spam/joke profiles. My experience felt dehumanizing, like I didn't matter because I was a woman. Or at least, men's preferences came before my needs, always. It was frustrating not to have a lot of proper "dates" when I sought out to improve myself and be an appealing prospect of a potential partner (unlike th men with zero effort).
Women: Which OLD platform should I go on to find a good man?
Men: There are women on OLD platforms? LEMME GO ON ALLADEM!
HAHAHA Good joke! 😂 I say this from 8 years of on/off OLD myself.
As the other person commented, basically I have never met a great guy on OLD. What happened was that some men were slightly less rubbish than others, which by comparison alone and without standards, seemed like good men. Nah sis, they were just better at playing the game.
Sis, your mom sounds a bit like mine. I’ve had to instill strong boundaries with her. Setting boundaries is not rude, and it’s for your own health and well being. Please look into boundaries and get off the apps if you’re not interested in using them. As other commenters have said you have to be ruthless on them.
This! My mother and family were hypercritical of me and I got so sick of it I cut them all off. Strong boundaries are the way to go. yes her intentions are “just wanting the best and for you to find love” but life isn’t that easy nor should you cut them off but this kind of family dynamic can really affect your self esteem and health.
Practice in the mirror. Simply say "No." several times until you can do so without emotion. Then whenever someone tries it with you say it once. If they pester do not repeat yourself. You said what you said, period.
I use Hinge and Bumble, and there’s so much crossover in users. Just be very selective. Give people a week to talk to you. Unmatch with reckless abandon. Don’t accept any bullshit dates. Stay vigilant for red flags. Know your standards and boundaries before you begin.
Consider hiring a matchmaking service if it fits your budget. Their vetting might be worth it if you’re really interested in dating but don’t have the time to do the legwork.
Unfortunately, a matchmaking service is way out of my budget.
Yes. I shocked a guy who kept yammering on about common interests by cutting him off. I did tell him politely, as our conversations were courteous. But I could see his chit chat had no end in sight 😩 lmao.
He started whining about how “we’ve only been talking for barely a week” 😂
I unmatched. I don’t need penpals.
“Unmatch with reckless abandon” is the way.
If you want entertainment from feeding a money and timesuck monster that you'll end up tossing when it proves to be another fun, yet fleeting idea, get a Tamagotchi. I have not met a keeper on any of the sites. I believe some people get addicted to the dopamine rush from interactions on dating apps. I have seen a few keep swiping long into dating, looking for what else is out there, even if they state otherwise.
I bet we are not on the same country, but I stoped using OLD almost a year ago. I don’t miss it at all and I am not planning on getting back. Now I meet LVM in real life haha every time I go out a guy comes to talk to me, but 80% of the time my intuition yells SCAMMM on the first ten minutes, and 20% of the time my intuition yells SCAMMM on the first real date. Seriously tho, I am sure that if I wanted to get married I would hire a matchmaker agency. For real
None 🤣 honestly it’s all garbage
My mom just texted me that a mom of a girl I used to go to greek school with ran into her at work. She said that her daughter had a baby 2 weeks ago. Great. Now I'm probably going to hear it when I get home and how hurt she probably was to hear that, and if I looked at dating apps today.
has anyone tried elite singles?