I love the question she poses about “at what cost?” because often, the cost of having kids with a shitty man is not only a cost to you, but also to your kids. By settling, you do a disservice to everyone, except the man. Men who are bad partners seldom make good fathers bc the many of the skills that make you a good parent also make you a good partner-kindness, patience, boundaries, good humor, etc.
It IS soul crushing to watch your brilliant, kind, funny female friends become just shells of themselves as they serve every whim of their LVM. And they will defend that man to the death, a man who doesn’t even remember their birthday. Do you ladies have any advice with what to do with the friends who have chosen this? Do you keep trying to make them see or do you just let the friendship go? Or avoid the topic entirely?
I have a friend like this. I think it depends on the depth of the friendship. For me, if it's an acquaintance I let it go. If it's a deeper friendship I bring it up in a nice way and suggest things that can help but tell her to focus on herself as she needs to take care of herself first. Usually people listen if you are kind about criticism. If they aren't receptive I leave it alone and I don't bring it up repeatedly. If I see things I do not want to participate in I set boundaries around how I engage. Like I wouldn't go on a day trip with them together for example but would with her alone.
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I love the question she poses about “at what cost?” because often, the cost of having kids with a shitty man is not only a cost to you, but also to your kids. By settling, you do a disservice to everyone, except the man. Men who are bad partners seldom make good fathers bc the many of the skills that make you a good parent also make you a good partner-kindness, patience, boundaries, good humor, etc.
It IS soul crushing to watch your brilliant, kind, funny female friends become just shells of themselves as they serve every whim of their LVM. And they will defend that man to the death, a man who doesn’t even remember their birthday. Do you ladies have any advice with what to do with the friends who have chosen this? Do you keep trying to make them see or do you just let the friendship go? Or avoid the topic entirely?
I made so many mistakes in my 20s. :( I was so naive... Better to learn later than never...