Marijuana and dating/ marriage

So many ill-informed comments on this post but anyway… I’m a regular medical user in a state with legal recreational use as well. I make 6 figures, manage a department and coach executives, have a ton of hobbies, weight lift multiple times a week, etc.

I don’t promote my usage. I keep it to myself until I trust a guy (no one can tell when I’m using). I have never met a man who could keep a conversation while he’s high and most use it as an excuse to eat crap and be lazy. Men and women are so different.

I consider men who frequently use marijuana LV. Women not really. She can smoke loads of marijuana and still be a functional human being. If her life is a mess tho, weed or not, she's in a LV phase.

I also want to add that I feel uncomfortable with the way how Marijuana is being presented nowadays, I hear things like: It's natural because it's coming from nature. Yeah, so does cocaine. For example: Studies have shown that Marijuana can cause permanent IQ loss, people that use Marijuana are more like to experience worse educational outcomes, lower career achievement and overall reduced life satisfaction. This is only one studie of many: https://www.samhsa.gov/marijuana You must remember that when you use ANY drug, you are not your REAL self. You are hiding, unconsciously, a whole lot of yourself because you put a sort off blanket on your real emotions and feelings and your overall state of being. Sober life is the best life, period. Can't you have a drink sometimes? Ofcourse! Can't you smoke a blunt sometimes? Ofcourse! If that's what you prefere then you do you. But know that EVERY, LITERALLY EVERY drug can be addictive. I heard people say that you can't become addicted to XTC for example, welp🥴 I mean. Read the studies, and don't take advice from users, it's not that it's illegal in many states for no reason and not bEcAuSe tHe gOvErNmEnT doesn't want you to have it, no it because studies have shown that it makes you fucked up in the end if you over use it and/or use it often. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. X

Medical weed, fine. But healthy people? Side eye. First, you need to seek out a shady character to buy from. Second, there are cheaper, less legally dubious vices. Third, places like Colombia, Mexico and who knows where else have been waging a drug war that leaves thousands dead for 40 years because some pampered Americans think they are too good for normal stuff like beer. Order some beer on Intacart? Nah. Order some weef with zero quality control from the local that works for an international cartel? SIGN ME UP!! I believe we should legalize and tax it. But make no midtake... if you buy illegally, you are part of the international crime ring problem no matter how you justify it.

The difference is that most men who used weed have no self control. example: they spend most of the salary or paycheck on weed. Driving while high. dependent on weed 24/7.

there are also users who smoke weed for pain relief or they are an occasional user etc. However most guys don’t fall into this category.

It absolutely is addictive. I smoked it off and on for 13 years and it 100% can and will become an addiction

I personally love smoking weed since it has always helped calm my anxiety and helped me sleep. I’ve been smoking for over a decade and I have never had issues holding down a decent job. My two best girlfriends and I often get together and smoke and vent about our current work and life troubles so it’s always been a safe form of bonding for me and my close friends. I agree that not everyone has the same tolerance levels. I don’t like hanging out with people who make smoking weed their whole identity. I make sure that I’m doing well at work and have other hobbies. I’ve only dated one guy who smoked weed and he had a ton of other issues that lead to our break up but smoking weed isn’t a red flag for me unless they don’t have their shit together. If I can smoke weed, hold down a good job, and afford a comfortable lifestyle then I expect my future partner to be able to do the same.

I am very ambitious and very high-energy, and while I've been open to less restrictive laws on both medical and recreational use, I have never yet met a man who can use weed and yet not go overboard to the point that it's counterproductive. I'm maybe on the older side for this forum, so YMMV, but I've seen far too many friends who started life bristling with talent and energy, only to cancel out more than half of it with recreational drinking or drug use. It makes me wonder what dynamos they could have been if they hadn't done that. And yes I can always play the game of "at least it's not [insert name of harder drug here]" but if I'm consulting only my own wishes (and why shouldn't I) -- weed-users are just not a good match for me.

I will never date or be with anyone who drinks alcohol, smokes (weed or cigs) or takes any sort of drugs.

I live in a state where weed is legal for recreational usage, so I treat it the same as alcohol. Obviously I don’t want to date an alcoholic or someone that has poor drinking habits. I myself smoke recreationally and so does my bf but we’re not addicts and maintain healthy and productive lifestyles outside of weed. It’s just like a glass of wine after work instead you take a gummy. I think it’s more of a preference rather than a hard and fast rule such as no porn.

I’m not anti-weed, but it *is* addictive. I was addicted to it for 2 years in college and had to get professional help to quit. Not everyone gets addicted, just like not everyone who drinks will become an alcoholic, but I don’t like when people pretend weed isn’t a drug. I avoid dating heavy users because it usually means they have a lack of coping skills in life and are using it for escapism (like I was in college). It’s not an issue if they smoke every once in a while, but dependency on any type of substance is a red flag for me. I feel the same way about guys who have a drink every so often vs those who pound beers every night. It’s an indication of mental health and overall behavior.

If they have any habit/hobby that takes up so much time it prevents them from advancing to their potential, and it isn’t productive, it’s an issue. Personally I don’t like men who smoke weed or tobacco. Smells bad. Side note a friend of mine was having trouble getting pregnant with her high functioning habitual pot smoking husband. They were in their 20s. They ended up getting his sperm checked and they said the sperms were just swimming in circles 🤣 anyway he cut back for a while and they got pregnant, kid is a toddler now and so far no issues. So yea if you are considering having kids there may be some short term impacts to male fertility, and your kids could be the case study Guinea pigs for long term effects.

How do you/other women feel about smoking tobacco? Just "regular" cigarettes?

I avoid people that use any kind of drugs basically also people that drink a lot (which is also a "soft"-drug) I've seen to much shit with that to even surround myself with these kinds of people. My ex-friends used to smoke everyday and I've seen them change. They were also very; 420 friendly cool girl. Also; it IS highly addictive plus for some people it can actually worsen your mental health long term, causing paranoia, schizophrenia, dissociative disorder, anxiety and depression. I would avoid users of any drug because I don't feel comfortable with it, when you take a certain drug, you are not the real you anymore because you're intoxicated. That's the conclusion.

I am 46, I have met only 2 people in all my years that could smoke weed and still be a productive member of society without any liabilities. That's a rather pathetic ratio considering most people I know smoke it. Outside of those two, the rest all were quite lazy - they at best worked one job, none had a side hustle or went to night school cause weed smoking was more important. They were all broke - weed smoking is an expensive habit, and its difficult to travel with so even if they could afford to go somewhere, they worried about how to land supply. Many had legal problems at some point (its not recreational in my state), they used it to deaden their feelings so they weren't readily responsive to pressing emotional issues that needed resolve.

They often reeked of it, visually looked high, laughed at inappropriate times, were paranoid or uncomfortably silent when people of importance unexpectedly tried to socialize, etc. This avoidance of people who frowned on its usage meant many of my friends who began to smoke daily also began to avoid people who they knew would say something - soon they had entire swaths of their elderly family complaining they don't hear from them anymore, or they would avoid social situations so they didn't get confronted and this ruined family game nights or other social plans that included members who didn't smoke. Most started using small at first - like when their back hurt or their anxiety was high, eventually it became the go to cure all until usage was nearly daily. Most of all? Every single last one of them were in utter denial about the issues their weed smoking caused, every last one of them tried to downplay the issues and pretend it wasn't a big deal. I won't date a guy that smokes it because EVERY male I ever dated who used it played it off like it was nothing and it eventually DID cause issues in each other relationships.

I noticed this on r/fds as well. I am a daily cannabis consumer - but medically, at the same time every night, where I put on a 15 minute guided sleep meditation and close my eyes. I have tried every prescription medication under the sun, therapy, I exercise daily and eat healthy, I limit caffeine...but I simply cannot sleep without cannabis. So, if it were a case like that, controlled and strict, of course I'd be fine with it. But they must be exceptionally motivated and growth-minded in life. I would not tolerate the "stoner" mindset at all.

A good friend of mine uses marijuana to manage one of her health conditions, and it's been working wonderfully for years. So, I'm neutral when it comes to using marijuana for medical reasons, but I absolutely would not date or marry anyone who uses it for recreation or a nebulous medical reason like "anxiety." I apologize for being a judgy bench, but to me that means he has other issues in his life he's not dealing with and is instead coping with drugs.

If a man uses marijuana, it means we have clear cultural and lifestyle incompatibilities. I'm even a little iffy on men's alcohol use to be honest, because they have so many problems doing anything in moderation! If they enjoy a beer or glass of wine with dinner that's cool, that's what my family does all the time (Southern European) but if they're getting hammered every other weekend or are incapable of only having a single drink, hard pass.

The thing with FDS is we define our own dealbreakers. For some women, weed is a dealbreaker and that's fine. Just like some women require the man to be a certain religion, or height or whatever.

If you are OK with weed, you probably want to consider how much the guy consumes, the laws where you live and to what extent his use impacts your life. Does he drive while intoxicated? That's a red flag. How much does he spend on it? Does he hide the extent of his usage from you?

He basically needs to be high value in every way, and extremely transparent about his usage.

I understand those 3 points about benefits but most people that smoke are LV to me because some don't even have those issues.

They chase a high, they want to feel good and are all for instant gratification. Depending on the person, there is a chance to escalate to harder substance.

I wouldn't be able to date a man that is all about 420 knowing that in my country is still an illegal substance. 420 men scream scrote and bum to me. Have anxiety? Go to therapy, not to a stash of psychotropics.

What happens when you cannot access 420? Have a tantrum?

Also..... Who said it's not addictive? It definitely changes the brain chemistry and could impair brain functions. It affects your endocrine glands too and depresses your natural TSH to his after frying your thyroid gland.

These are just a few of the side effects.

So it's not without negative effects but I understand the marketing value of cannabinoids for mass consumption. Capitalism wins at all costs. 🤡

As usual, marijuana consumers should just stick to each other. There shouldnt be an obligation for women to date men who consume weed. Just like there shouldn't be an obligation for women to date men with mental health issues.

The cannabidnoidal system reacts differently to every one. What you touch on in your last paragraph is the difference between CBD (no high) and THC (high). CBD does absolutely nothing for me in terms of sleep hygiene. So, it’s not that I’m choosing to get high over non getting high. I’m choosing relief over pain.

I am 💯 dependent on cannabis and a huge proponent of plants healing properties. Over a decade ago I gave up all mind-altering substances. Overall my brain enjoyed the freedom, but it took a lot of intense therapy. A few years ago, my insomnia came back with vengeance. And if I don’t keep that under control, I’m going to become psychotic (in the literal sense). So, I went to a medical cannabis doctor and was prescribed a medical card. I use it mostly only at night, but occasionally a micro-dose during the day if I’m really struggling. I know more people who use it responsibly than people who don’t, but that could be my age. I’ve also know people who wasted their entire 20s - 40s sitting in front of the tv and not moving at all. That’s gross. But also, it’s not the cannabis - it’s their mental state that they are self medicating with - and thank goodness because it could be heroin. So, no, I wouldn’t date anyone who sits around doing nothing all day regardless of their cannabis use. But, if I met someone who used responsibly and it didn’t affect their ability to show up for life, I’m totally ok with it. Also, I went off all pharmaceuticals relating to my mental health in exchange for plant medicine and what a game changer!

Does anyone know if there is a block feature on this app that enables us to block certain members?

Marijuana is definitely abused by narcissists in the same way that they engage with all their addictions, including sadomasochism and egomania. All these experiences soothe the rage that the narcissist feels In reaction to his obsession with identifying as a victim. You are the evil hypergamous cuckoldress who has deprived him of the pleasure he is entitled to, and now through acting out his addiction, he is reclaiming the pleasure that has always rightfully belonged to him. But let’s not judge marijuana just based on its utility to narcissistic abusers. Rather, can we look at it in a broader context?

Alcohol has been the dominant drug in the majority of human cultures since humans began recording history. Marijuana has now foreshadowed it‘s imminent ascendancy to claim that throne. And this will be a good thing for feminism. Because alcohol increases the probability that a man will become violent, and marijuana decreases that risk. This is a boon we simply can’t ignore.

In addition, the relationship between marijuana and African-American culture is another positive worth recognizing. Mass incarceration, and all facets of the racist war on drugs for that matter, have been extremely effective tools for the capitalist patriarchy to use in their efforts to propagate toxic masculinity in several ways. The prison industrial complex creates a labor force designed to cultivate one of the worst sadistic God complex dynamics present in contemporary society. The power the correction officer holds over a prisoner, and the aggression with which he is trained and expected to wield that power, are integral parts of the systemic entrenchment of patriarchy. They also lead directly to the elevated rates of domestic violence seen in the families of prison employees. And they also cause corresponding increase in the power and violence of gangs. So yes, legalization is absolutely a force for good and an overall blow against patriarchy.

And my favorite point on this subject is the relationship between hallucinogens as a class of drugs and the kind of spiritual psychedelic experiences that catalyzed the sexual revolution of hippie culture in the 1960s. As bad as red pill misogyny and vapid liberal feminism are, it would be a flat out lie to deny the fact that things used to be even worse to a large degree before the hippies helped popularize feminist thought. Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, Joni Mitchell, Janis Joplin, Timothy Leary, Abbey Hoffman, John Lennon, Bob Dylan, Aldous Huxley, Carlos Castenada, Jane Fonda, Joyce Carol Oates, Carlos Santana- the list of hippies who deserve to be saluted and revered for their contributions to the historical development of feminism goes on and on, and even includes Cheech and Chong. And the tradition of Willie Nelson is alive and well in the best of today’s feminist music scene. If you’re not familiar with ”The High Women”, then you’re missing out on some truly inspirational jams. When the voices of Maren Morris and Brandi Carlile harmonize, it is nothing less than divine- feminist music that touches the soul, and has been in turn touched by marijuana.

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to also shout out the miracles being performed by mental health clinicians utilizing MDMA to heal victims of sexual trauma. This drug, in a far greater way than marijuana or any other psychotropic medication, has proven effective in the treatment of PTSD, especially among women who are rape survivors. So for those who are just generally anti-drug by knee-jerk reaction, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I don't mind the use, but guy shouldn't be introducing it to you early in the dating stage. If he does it means he is already showing you a side that most men who truly want to impress women wouldn't. Think of it this way if you were a supermodel or his dream girl-- would he reveal his smoking habit upfront.

The thing with weed guy is that they have that passive and "do nothing" mindset, and that's enabled and reinforced by weed use. Obviously there's some folks that use weed as a way to medicate and relieve pain but they SHOULD use it in a very mindful way and demonstrate exceptional HVM qualities otherwise.

Also one of my biggest problems with weed smoking is the SMELL. Jesus I hate that smell so much. If my partner uses marijuana, I'd prefer heavily that he uses non-smelly methods of consumpting it.

Also, there are actual weed meds without the heavy doses of hallucinogens, only the pain relief stuff left. Those ones should be prioritized over the stuff that gets you high.

I would disagree that it's not addictive, I knew someone who smoked weed 10 times a day maybe even more and couldn't stop smoking it. In all 7 months I knew this person I was told constantly that he will quit smoking but never did. It was quite aggravating watching someone constantly smoke, be stoned and feed me empty promises of quitting

I microdose marijuana for my anxiety, and like to try different products often, it's like a hobby for me. I'm definitely not a stoner by any means I can go weeks without it. I wouldn't mind dating a man who had the same views on weed.

Although I agree with others here that they often aren't as responsible in their consumption so it's something to keep a watch for.

1. On the non-medical side - if it was an occasional once a year for fun sort of thing then it wouldn't bother me. 2. On the medical side - if they'd tried other options and found they didn't work and found some pain relief then that would also be ok with me. Although it would be something to keep an eye on as it can turn from pain relief into an all consuming habit for some people. That said in general it raises a orange(?) flag for me. Maybe it's just where I live but most men that I've met don't seem to fall into either of the above categories and the way they use it is a problem. So I'm very wary of men using 1 and 2 as socially acceptable reasons to cover a habit.

I used cannabis to help me through menopause. The hot flashes and lack of good, deep sleep was making me miserable. My husband made me cookies with canna butter and I would eat one around 9pm each evening. In a few days the hot flashes were gone and I was sleeping like a rock through the night.

Most recently, I’d had the beginnings of arthritis in my hands and feet. Upping the dose of cannabis to 1.5 cookies in the evening and the pain abates for 18-20 hours. No need for Tylenol or anything else.

Ive seen no negatives since starting this years ago. In my mind it is a holistic way to handle these issues with no side effects. It is legal where I live.

I think it depends. But it is a big red flag on if it’s illegal and you are willing to risk your livelihood in order to consume anything. It’s a character trait and what risk is this person willing to take on? Are they willing to risk their job over it? Will their dependence on this substance risk their involvement with kids in the future? Are they functional on the substance or not? I have a high functioning HVM who isn’t risking his work over it and buys high quality stuff as to not have adverse effects. It really helps him with adhd and sleep and he is more productive using it. However he’s also gone months without it and while less productive he is not dependent. But I’ve seen people that loose themselves into the substance and buy strains that just tank them and make them unproductive. I’ve seen people who are addicted to it the way people are addicted to food. Really it’s a judgment call

I'm mostly into alternatives when it comes to physical and mental health, however, if a guy is using weed to manage something that could be addressed through other means, it would be a red flag for me.

If they used it occasionally, just for fun, I'd be okay with that. As long as they didn't need it to have fun.

I personally avoid people who smoke weed because I had problems controlling my usage. I dated a man who smoked and did not enjoy the temptation and risk of setting back my progress. I have 2 friends from college who I initially bonded with over smoking weed, and now that I’ve quit it’s quite obvious that they don’t have much else to talk about. I don’t want to spend a lot of time around people who make any drug (weed, alcohol, whatever) into part of their identity. That being said, for FDS women who use weed in moderation or for medical reasons - I feel like vetting others for the warning signs you set out is a good practice. It’s not an inherently bad drug and absolutely has positive applications - like my aunt has lupus and she uses cannabis to relieve pain. (Side note: I just realized, “women using 420 friendly to be a cool girl” - that was me!!! I cringe 😖 that was actually a huge barrier to quitting because weed was part of my self-image.)