WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
Vetting strategy: How to read between the lines, use power of deduction to read motivations/possibilities and how to make educated guesses.
Before people say what I am writing is "playing games" or that it's unnecessary bullshit-- unless you get really lucky and meet a HVM right away, 99% of women will have to screen through men with ulterior motives. So you don't have the luxury to be like "I dOn'T liKe To pLaY gAmEs" because most men you are talking to are playing games with you.
Let's say you are talking to your mom or sister (assuming you have a good relationship) or a good friend, you can pretty much say whatever you want very directly and she will know what you mean. She can also speak to you very directly and you know what she means.
There are no "cOmMuNiCaTe" issues, you are not confused, they are not confused, it's all straightforward. Because your mom, sister or good friend have no agenda or ulterior motive. They are also women with women's empathy and women's communication standards.
This isn't true of men, especially random men you might meet off of apps, social media or even in real life.
They have lower empathy and generally worse communication standards, but more than that, they just lie by omitting information and/or by being unreliable narrators. You can't even directly ask them something in most cases because he can just lie some more, or he might get hostile.
Majority of men are generally unreliable narrators and they usually frame every narrative in favor of their own interests and their own sympathy. Women who are unaware that men do this are taking huge risks when they date or talk to men.
SayNad's comment: LVMs communicate like a petulant toddler. That will twist the narrative in their favor and put the blame on others so they don't get in trouble.
So what should you do, if men are dishonest, have low empathy, bad communication standards, are unreliable narrators, omit information, make bolder lies when confronted and/or they get hostile if questioned?
You have to read between the lines-- part of this is paying attention to actions. But as Mark Twain said "Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often.” Actions are always the best way to judge a person's character but there are less opportunities to observe actions in today's world. This is where reading between the lines, deducing motivations/possibilities and making educated guesses comes in.
Reading between the lines
What does he NOT say when he says something?
Is what he is saying matching with his energy and body language?
Trust body language and energy more than language because language is easily manipulated, body language is almost impossible to fake.
Do you feel confused by him, do you think he is "complicated"? All warning signs.
A man who does not have nefarious intentions who isn't a manipulative douchebag, won't make you feel confused or like he is too difficult to understand.
You can also spot psychological manipulation attempts, ego trips, attempted power plays, etc by reading between the lines. A good way of practicing this is by just observing males in general and noticing how predictable they are.
Power of deduction for motivations/possibilities & making educated guesses
You can't know for sure 100% who a person is or what they are about without being a fly on the wall, but you can use power of deduction reasoning skills to come to educated guesses.
Giving a man the benefit of the doubt instead of using your critical thinking skills works great for predators, fuckboys and abusive men who want to trick you, but it does you and fellow women ZERO favors.
You can use power of deduction with great success by being a good observer, by examining possibilities and coming to conclusions based on known facts.
If information is lacking on an individual, you can in most cases assume a person is NOT an outlier and WILL conform with his collective demographics general patterns.
For example, if a guy looks, walks and acts like a fuckboy, he probably is one. You are wasting your time and energy if you put a lot of resources into trying to find out 100% if he is or not-- he probably is, he is likely not special.
Another example is if let's say you're dating a divorced dad who has complicated feelings about his ex and has an addictive personality but is "sober"-- it's an educated guess to come to the conclusion that his life and mind are too messy for it to be worth it for you to entertain him as a potential partner. He is most likely not the rare exception.
Women are largely discouraged from thinking critically because we are conditioned to be people pleasers
To endlessly give men the benefit of the doubt despite the known risk and danger when we do so. We are also shamed for being "judgmental".
It can be hard at first to think this way, but after practice, after observing, it becomes easy because humans naturally think this way. Our ancestors had to think critically in order to survive their environments, to find food and shelter, to know what could possibly be a danger to them or not.
Once you get used to it, it becomes easier and easier.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.