In a new social setting i always resolve to be the mysterious, reserved woman.
I don't want to lay my cards out there and looking basic.
Unfortunately, my nature is to get really excitable if I'm engaged. I ask lots of questions, I talk to people about their experience, I am passionate, I'll make mistakes and learn quick.
I don't think people find it annoying, people seem to like me, but the hottest people are always the coolest.
I kinda like myself too much to try and change my personality, but I can definitely see how much cooler people look who keep to themselves and don't say much.
What do? Are most people sitting there wanting to say stuff and ask questions and purposefully holding themselves back? Am I that annoying older person who always asks too many questions in class?
Be yourself. It's ok to be bright and engaging...just don't throw yourself at a man. He has to ask for YOUR number, he has to be the one to pursue you. I recommend the FDS podcast episode on flirting strategies, there is something to suit every personality type: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bcy02JcQ-PY
Being enthusiastic is a gift in this life. It can make everyone around you feel lighter. Just protect yourself from people that might be overly negative. You sound great to be around!
People who need to try to look cool do so because they are not actually cool. They just look that way, but are empty inside. Why not worry about actually being cool, friendly, and sociable instead of trying to appear snotty, aloof, and better than everyone?
I'm pretty quiet in person unless someone like you comes around and injects a lot of energy into the conversation. People who don't talk a lot actually hold themselves back professionally a lot (I wish I could be more like you but I usually need an instigator when it comes to conversations). All of my friends are like you, because being able to direct the conversation is something that's sort of necessary for me to be able to get along with someone. I think you're in the more powerful position here and most people appreciate the ones who talk more.
I also teach courses at a post secondary institution and I find older students are usually the ones who drive the discussion. Invariably professors and TAs love them (unless they're the types to be super demanding, but that's usually only true of older men with a chip on their shoulder about younger women teachers).
I feel this. At times, I learned to let others talk and learn more about them as I ask them questions about themselves. I enjoy conversations, but I know I shouldn't get a chokehold on the conversation and tell intimate things about myself to a group or person so soon.
Isn't "basic Becky" an incel term? Girl come on