So some strange things have happened in the last few months that have made me re-evaluate and terminate a couple of my friendships. I would say that I'm a huge champion of women and make it a point to love, appreciate and uplift the women in my life but I am so exhausted by how many women simply just do not seem to have energy for other women. I'm constantly flitting between: 1. Don't hold women to higher standards, 2. Friendships should be meaningful and require effort, and 3. Be chill and let go of expectations.
In the last few months, I've dealt with:
A friend who allowed her boyfriend to move in and has since been so fucking strangely, and embarrassingly so considering how she used to be, distant and centering her boyfriend to the point of thinking sending me texts like 'My boyfriend will be away on X date, so let's hang out then' is okay. WTF. How do so many women get so obsessed with men to do this?
A couple of friends who weirdly think checking in every couple of months with what's become zero effort is something I shouldn't roll my eyes at and express distaste over. Then, also expect me to make an effort when I don't care anymore because I can't sense the basic level of interest. These two have proved themselves to be pickmes despite being super intelligent women. It's miserable.
A friend who basically said that I should be fine with communicating with her only when she can and that expecting anything more is too much and me expressing that I can't be bothered is me trying to make her feel guilty. Girl, please. You're not that special and I have self-respect and a busy life myself even if I clearly am a far more organised, less negative complain-y person. I've realised that this person is just depressing to be around. She's had an abundance of privilege but is somehow always woe is me.
I've put friendship 1 on the backburner and completely stopped bothering to communicate with friendships 2 and 3. It's so funny to me because one of them from friendship 2 said that my pulling away is something she'd never tolerate in a guy... girl, I know your dating history and you tolerate a LOT of shit from men but somehow expect women to have zero expectations of you in friendships. I also realised that this friend always pop into communication when she wants something.
Letting go of these friendships will benefit my peace of mind in the long term, I'm sure, but right now I'm struggling with feeling like I'm too much, even though I know I'm not and my other lovely HV friends have told me that my expectations are completely normal (with some flabbergasted by the above because they're based 🥰). I just feel like this happens to me repeatedly and I really need to embody completely getting over situations like this. I'm struggling though.
I'd love some advice on how I can perhaps reframe my thinking. I have regular therapy and something I really struggle with is wanting female approval since not only did I grow up with abusive male family but I was also bullied constantly by my sisters who made me feel like I couldn't girl/woman right when I was mostly just being very ND. I think their behaviour harmed me more in some ways than the physical abuse by the male members of my family because I craved female intimacy so much when I struggled through my teenage years as a ND girl.
Edit: If there are flaws in my thinking, please point them out. I've had enough of feeling this way and really want to combat this thoroughly so I don't have to feel this way again. I really thought I had it covered until recently and here I am again.
I had a busy few years the last while. I thought 2023 would be my year chilling, but it turned out I had to spend most of it re-evaluating friendships I'd not had my eye on while I was distracted.
One thing I've noticed and keep saying is like attracts like. If you've got to ditch one friend, there's a good chance you'll have to ditch a load of mutuals too. But the reverse is true! Find one good person and they're likely to be surrounded by good people.