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We all have trauma. Some more than others. Horrible shit will happen to everyone. Death of a loved one, abuse, illness or other shit life throws your way.
I have been through a lot but I don't regret it. I'm extremely privileged and have been able to become a master at post traumatic growth with the help of two very good therapists. I think therapy should be mandatory in school.
So what is it Post Traumatic Growth?
"Post-Traumatic Growth is the positive psychological change that some individuals experience after a life crisis or traumatic event. Post-traumatic growth doesn’t deny deep distress, but rather posits that adversity can unintentionally yield changes in understanding oneself, others, and the world. Post-traumatic growth can, in fact, co-exist with post-traumatic stress disorder."
All my trauma thought me something. After it, I drastically changed my life for the better. I cut off people, moved to a new place, kicked out my lazy ex, found my dream job and got to know myself better. I would not have been able to do it without therapy. It takes time. Months, not weeks.
I still have struggles, breakdowns and triggers but my core is complete. I know my values. I know my worth. Every bite of new trauma showed me which piece off me needed healing. Where the cracks in my armor were. I probably have some left but I know I can handle them.
So, any other Post traumatic growth women here? What's your story?
I think I have gone through multiple phases in my life where I was in severe stress or put under trauma both with my health (I get sick a lot) and in relationships (with an abusive scrote). Each situation, I did manage to bounce back healthier and happier for awhile afterwards. I had a glow about myself that I documented by various instagram posts I'd take selfies of all the cool new things I was doing, it was obvious on my face how much less miserable I looked. If I could do a before vs after, when I was under immense stress either from my health or even from being in a bad relationship, I looked TERRIBLE. I straight up look bloated, stressed, dead-eyed. After I took some time to heal I worked on myself, hobbies, friends, work I had started to look a bit healthier and more hydrated.
What I don't like is I don't want my lifestyle and mental health to be dependent on going through traumatic events just to "bounce" back. I don't think I have the energy to be doing huge upheavals in my life. I'm starting my first day of therapy tomorrow so hopefully I can figure out how to be more discerning of things in my life cause I'm sick of "post-traumatic growth", I just want growth.
Humans have a regret bias, meaning that we don't like to regret things. So I do not like thinking of my experiences in terms of regret or not (bc I will lie to myself) Part of me processing my trauma was looking at my scared, angry past self who learned to cope through handicapping myself by turning my temper inwards. Because until I could identify why I had mutilated my personality to make myself docile I could not understand why that method wasn't working in subsequent relationships. And then being sad for her. It should not have happened. It did. And it's sad. How would I have helped myself navigate it knowing what I do now? What words would have made sense to me at that age? That's the question I ask myself, and it has emboldened me to cut people off, to confront them, or to endure them if I can't avoid them.