I would consider myself established since I have a job, car, and a roof over my head. In addition, I pay my own bills, so I consider myself to be independent. In terms of education, I just finished grad school. I've spent most of my years in grad school alone as I needed to focus, and I was comfortable doing activities on my own as my friends and I were at different points in our lives. I'm really comfortable being alone and enjoy it.
Society is pressuring me to settle down. But this question keeps lingering. People keep telling me that I need to be dependent of someone. However, I question what a man can provide for me that I don't already do for myself.
The mindset I have is not so much being dependant on someone (Queens don’t “need” anyone) but rather finding someone that ADDS to my life. That’s why FDS advocates for high standards, which you clearly have!
My best friend was like this, she ticked every box perfectly on her own and was happy to stay single forever. Then I met my HVM and she saw how things flourished for me so she tried dating again and eventually found her HVM. She thought she was happy before but now she’s REALLY happy!
What did he bring to the table? He pays for most things and cooks, cleans, etc so her time, money, and efforts are better spent on more important things. He supports and encourages her especially when she’s faced with adversity. He loves to cook so he often packs her lunches for when she has long shifts as a nurse. He balances her avoidant tendencies and perfectionism because he has neither and she learns from him. He’s an extrovert and can entertain a room when she’s too tired (she’s an introvert). She’s an athlete and he’s a physiotherapist and they play the same sport so extra benefits there too! This is just to name a few instances but I’m sure there’s more.
I’m also grateful for him because as her best friend, I want to be there for her 24/7 but realistically I can’t… but he can. More than me at least. And I love that I can trust this guy that whenever my friend needs advice and I’m unavailable, I know he’ll give the right advice.
I am in the same boat! Good job, nice car, roof over my head, wonderful friends, travel often, and fully independent. Men are a cherry on top to an already wonderful life so dating is for fun only! If I'm not enjoying myself I bounce and a new man is there to take his spot. There's no pressure for me to do anything other than enjoy myself.
The great thing is you are in a place where being preyed on is nearly impossible. Not needing to rely on a man and being able to drop him like a hot potato the literal MOMENT he fucks up is a beautiful thing. It's power to choose from a very safe, stable space. We don't need them so we can be truly honest with ourselves on if their presence in our lives serves us, makes us happy, and adds true value. We can see the relationship through clear eyes and unbiased opinions.
Like Rice said, men should be adding to your life and a HVM is basically a built-in best friend to spend the rest of your life with. The addition of a HVM makes your world better, easier, and more fun! But choosing to not date and instead remain single is completely fine, too. We don't need men to complete our lives.
The truth of men's uselessness and false worth is coming to light the more women become more independent.
We have been lied to about men's value and importance in our life. In reality their only worth was to provide money because women didn't have any access to resources back then (which was intentional) thus had to depend on and need men out of desperation. But now they can't even provide money, thus they don't hold any value or use for us.
Women do NOT need men. At this point the only reason any woman would bother mess with a man is because she's still iindoctrinated with the patriarchal lie of needing a partner/marriage.
I'm in a similar situation and so are several high-achieving well-balanced women around me. I think it's the opposite of what you're saying though--I think society expects us to have dependents or we're greedy and selfish. This is the impression I get from the countless times I've said I don't care about marrying or having children and have been told I'll die alone and friendless because no one cares about you like a husband or your children... after you slave away your good years on them of course... 🙄 Society doesn't seem to be able to accept that a woman can choose to lavish all that loving on herself and there maybe others out there that will value her beyond her ability to look after them.
Most men are LV. A relationship is more likely to create more problems in your life than bring happiness.
Holy shit, please do not listen to them.
Settle down if you find a hvm.