Why couples counseling does not work with an abuser

This is why we leave instead of CoMmUnIcATiNg or going to CoUpLeS CoUnSeLiNg Couples counseling tends to be counter-productive in an abusive relationship for many reasons. One is that this type of therapy assumes the concept of mutuality in the relationship and that the problems are based on a systemic problem between the two parties. Couples counseling helps people with conflict resolution, communication problems, childhood issues brought to the relationship and struggles with intimacy. In an abusive relationship, mutual goals cannot be attained because the abusive member is not interested in equality. Couples counseling sends the message to both the batterer (batterer can be physical, emotional, and/or psychological in nature) and his partner that the problem is mutual and that somehow the partner is responsible (at least in part) for the abuser’s behaviors. This type of “provocation causing the abuse” was a common theory in the 1960s and 70s for couples counseling practices. Terms like, “she pushed my buttons” get credibility and both the perpetrator and the victim believe she is somehow culpable for instigating the abuse. Both members of the partnership are taught to focus on their feelings when in couples counseling. This approach is counterproductive in an abusive relationship because the abuser spends too much time already focusing on his feelings and not enough time focusing on other people’s feelings (particularly his partner’s). Sorce https://pro.psychcentral.com/why-couples-counseling-doesnt-work-in-abusive-relationships/