Hi queens! I've been lurking on this forum for a while but wanted to make a post on how to stop feeling lonely while levelling up. I was inspired by this video the utube algorithmn served up to me on making peace with being alone: https://youtu.be/Y1vLSHGdYKw?si=FFjFSSa3KNnCghRF (P.S I'm glad to see a younger generation of women being self-sufficient and espousing FDSish aligned principles)
But basically my story is that I started distancing myself from pickme friends because I realised that their company was negatively influencing me. Because of that, I began to feel lonely and I wanted to write about what I've learnt from this aspect of my levelling up journey
2 things I learnt from my own experience
One:
Selectively cut people off - there are some pickme friends I've circled back to but kept at a greater distance. This is essential, you don't want to cut everyone off because you need social connection while you build your FDS aligned circle but at the same time, you don't want to get excessively involved in their drama anymore: keeping a polite distance achieves both objectives. Anyone who is truly toxic you simply have to cut them off completely.
Two:
Get ok with being alone. This what the video I watched went in depth about. You're going to be lonelier as you distance yourself from your old friends but that's a price you'll have to pay if you're trying to leave that pick-me energy behind (and truly let me tell you, that pickme energy is infectious! leave it behind asap). I've always subconsciously felt ashamed at going out or doing things alone but I've learnt that it's more in my head than anything and that I shouldn't blame myself for things I can't control (e.g that I don't have a circle of FDS aligned girlfriends already). Force yourself thru exposure therapy - do the things you're afraid of doing yourself and do them often until you emotionally understand that it makes no tangible difference to your life if you ask for a table for one!
That's it friends! Thanks for reading :D I've embedded the video I mentioned below!
This is a fantastic video. She's very articulate and there is genuine kindness in the way she talks. Thanks for sharing!