I've been a pickme before and moved in with boyfriends during college and grad school. While it doesn't excuse me moving in, I didn't have support from my family and couldn't find a decently safe apartment I could get approved for at the time.
The two boyfriends I had in both situations used the same lines: why not move in with me? You already come over. It'll give you a place to study, I won't bother you when you're working, and you'll help motivate me. It's the next step in the relationship. We can really see what it's like. Besides your home is toxic anyways, you can be productive here.
In the one situation the one scrote said I didn't have to pay anything. Just buy my own groceries and do/pay for the laundry. Being in college and having a less than idea home life, this was very appealing. In the situation when I was in grad school, he said he'd pay the rent and I'd get majority of the groceries and pay the electric bill. Seemed fair enough to my pickme mind. Part of me even knew with the scrite in grad school that I wasn't all that into him, but I felt that it was still the better option than staying with my parents or taking a personal loan just to get a decent apartment of my own. I foolishly believed it'd help me.
But very quickly these men acted like because they were working a dead end low paying job that they were the prize. 🚩Soon enough, they'd call me from work saying they were hungry because they forgot to pack themselves a lunch or didn't wake up in time to cook for themselves. Of course, it ended up becoming a pattern then with them asking if I'd pack them lunches or meal prep for them. 🚩When I quickly got tired of that it then became asking me to pickup some things next time I was at the store. They were "tired from working" and couldn't get there. If I was already out, I didn't mind. But then it became that they started taking advantage wanting me to get more and more items and not paying me anything, to then full on asking if I could do the grocery shopping and other errands for them.
🚩they'd even ask me to cook for them. When I'd make dinner I'd always make extra: so I'd have leftovers to take to class the next day. And I didn't mind throwing an extra portion into the oven or pan if he wanted some. But then he wouldn't clean up his dirty dishes, help me put anything away, and he even started leaving his plates on the floor! I stopped cooking for him.
🚩they both stopped picking up after themselves completely and stopped cleaning. They wouldn't take out the trash and just not throw any anything. They wouldn't pit their laundry away. They wouldn't vaccuum or dust. When I saw how the place started getting messy and would "communicate" that he needs to pickup after himself, they both used the excuse that they "worked". I was a full time student who also worked a part time job.
I remember snapping at both of them one was the one day the cat used the bathroom right outside the litter box as he wasn't scooping it enough, and for the other scrote it was the time that he wouldn't do any of the dishes he used and they were piled up now going on 2 full days, and then there was a dirty cup and plate he set on the floor next to the couch in the living room. That's when I had it. And being a pickme, felt the need to yell at them that I wasn't their maid.
It wasn't my job to pick after them. Even when you have a roomate, they're expected to cleanup after themselves and also contribute to the overall household chores.
I ended up moving out and back in with family. It shouldn't have mattered if I lived there or not: before they met me they had their apartments. They had to go to work, clean, and do chores and still pay all the bills. And now that I was gone, they would have to do it ALL again.
If you actually love someone and you live together, it should EASE the burden of chores that you both do. You should both cleanup after yourselves and then just vaccuum, dust, do laundry, clean the bathrooms regularly. It shouldn't ever be an issue because you both regularly chip into it. If he doesn't want to then he should be hiring a maid.
Classes are very time consuming especially with a part time job on the side and making the deans list. The jobs they always talked about as being so exhausting were basically low paying retail jobs. It wasn't hard manual labor, it wasn't very thought provoking. Truthfully their work wasn't Hard or exhausting.
It's easy to punch in and out and in no means do they deserve to be acting like it's a woman's job to serve them hand and foot and kiss the ground he walks on.
I will never move in with a man again. Scrotes all use the same play book so beware.
Let me remind everyone that there are other options than living with a scrote:
see if you can still stay with family (my familybwas overbearing, dysfunctional and would always be yelling and arguing with each other and didn't respect my boundaries. When I moved back I'd study at the library and said I had picked up a babysitting gig so they didn't force me to be home. I'd avoid them a lot and said I was working when they'd have days off.)
- look into apartments that are in a cheaper area and consider making the commute. In my city it's expensive. But an hour north of the city, it's about half the price and you get bigger apartments.
-consider getting a dorm / female roomates but go over the lease and the rules. Look into getting a sublease. You don't want to be liable if they don't pay their way.
-if you don't commuting, look into studio apartments and 1 bedrooms.
-if you need something short term there are extended stay hotels. They don't check credit.
-there are women's shelters and there is housing assistance if you qualify. The USA has vouchers and there's income restricted apartments.
Try not to feel trapped into moving in /staying trapped with a scrote. Remember if you are stuck with one, do your research and make an exit plan (separate post)