i’m about to graduate college soon and nothing changed with my mom and idk how to help her. I used to hate her because my whole life she put relationships before me and was abusive because of her own childhood traumas and trauma with men. She also projected that onto me a lot. Growing up i felt like a burden because she treated me terribly. She did all this pick me and muling behavior for nothing. She dated dusties that didn’t marry her. She’s almost 50 and has never been married (and I don’t see a problem with it at this point because of how men are nowadays). She still wants that companionship. She wants men that don’t want her. i’m 21 and i came back to visit her from college and it’s the same old. Always bringing up my dad out of anger and i’m tired of hearing about him. I see the type of person he is. Very selfish, verbally abusive, short tempered etc. Deep down she stills loves that man after he gave her stds and assaulted her many times. I’m just happy he pays my bills and bought me a car. That’s all i see him as. She still loves him and is depressed because she doesn’t have a man. Most men are selfish and no matter what I say to her she doesn’t care to listen. She’s rather sit on the phone all day gossiping and talking bad about her job, sitting at home miserable instead of finding things to do like going to the gym etc. Shed rather sit here sad about my father 21 years later and laying around wasting her life, scrolling on dating apps and always talking about how she wants a man. I don’t know what to do but she is very toxic and miserable and doesn’t even want therapy. I feel bad but I have to live my life and i personally don’t want to deal with her codependent behavior because she acts like i’m her daughter husband every time i visit now. she is nicer because she’s lonely but i don’t like her picking fights with me, invading my personal space, and doing other acts for attention.