I broke up with my LVM ex two years ago, we dated for 3 tears. He had emotionally cheated on me a year into the relationship, with my friend letting me know of this. He got defensive when I brought this whole thing up, and told me to stop speaking to my friend so that this could "blow over"--when I asked what I needed to work on (I was a pick me), he said I need to basically be less clingy 🤮🤮 He has invalidated my needs before—I’ve expressed my need for more communication during the start of the pandemic, and when those needs weren’t met, I was starting to be dry and when he asked what was wrong and I told him, he called my concerns “dumb shit” and stopped speaking to me for three days after. He's been to a strip club before with a single friend, and said he didn't mind if a male stripper danced on me 🤡🤡
The ultimate reason that I broke up with him is because he ghosted me—It was approaching our three year anniversary—I had not seen him for months prior to that. He asked if we could go out for our anni and I said yes—I was the one who made the plans, I tried getting him to help with the planning but nothing. We agreed on a date, but he then told me his mother wasn’t feeling well. I said okay we can reschedule for the week after and he said sure. A day before, I asked him if we were still okay to go, and he said he couldn’t because he had to stay with his mom. I said oh okay, please let me know if you need anything and I even asked what was wrong with her, as I was genuinely worried. He read my message and didn’t respond.
Three days went by and I got concerned, texting him and even calling him to see what had happened and if they were okay. I found out what happened with his mother through a mutual friend—she had a tooth infection and a bit of sciatica. He was on social media, yet he couldn’t message me or call me back.
10 days later, still nothing from him. At that point, I had an anxiety attack and wasn’t eating or sleeping well. He had ghosted me, and I had had enough. I broke up with him through text because every single bout of communication was left unanswered, and I was not going to drive to his home. When he read the breakup text, he called me and said, “you know I’m going through a lot with my mom and it’s my birthday coming up, who am I going to celebrate with?”
He also compared me to his previous ex (saying our relationship was filled with love and trust while him and his other ex didn’t have that) and basically told me that he wanted to get married at 30, which is weird because we never talked about marriage, kids, where we'd live, any future really (although he did lovebomb me months into knowing me, saying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, we were 18).
I don’t know how to heal from this, I understand I was the dumper but it was for a reason. I’m super scared to get emotionally close with someone anymore, and I know I have to break out of it one day. I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been, but some days I feel guilty, but I remind myself why I left and it always seems to help.