I have a friend who says she used to have too many rules when it comes to dating. Well, we here at FDS know that's called "having standards", right? Thing is, recently she's changed her mind about that because she would end up with LVM, or she would suffer for being lonely, given that the men available were shit. So in the end, it didn't matter that she followed her rules, she was miserable anyway.
So now she's been allowing herself to live life in a more spontaneous way, just letting things happen. If she likes the guy and he's poly (something that would go completely against her rules), she doesn't care. She wants to be with him, so she let's it happen. She recognizes this also hurts her, but she figured since she's going to suffer no matter what she does, let's at least have a few pleasant moments before sinking into shit. Having fun before being miserable is better than just being miserable with no fun at all.
I see a lot of myself in her. I've always had standards and never got much out of it. Now I'm more mature I feel like I've missed a lot, but at the same time, I know I've been able to save myself a lot of trouble and trauma. However, I don't think it's a good idea to just "let things happen and have a little bit of fun" because, as women, we don't get to experience love and sex spontaneously. That's way too dangerous in so may levels... And that makes me really angry! It's not fair! We fall in love, we become vulnerable and dumb, and men can do whatever they want to us. It's literally a risk of death. That's so cruel!
I wish we could allow ourselves to just live and love. I'm so tired of being so cautious all the time. I know that even if I find a HVM, I'll never know for sure he is "safe" for me because he would still hold the power patriarchy had given him. I'll still be vulnerable to HIS decision of being decent. I won't ever be able to let my guard down. That's very stressful. I'm just so angry at this and I feel like we'll never be able to change anything. Look around. Today's feminism seems to work against us more than ever, mysogynists aren't even ashamed anymore, conservatives are rising, liberal progressives are nonsensical... I don't foresee any improvements in the near future.