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Today two strangers (both female) had gotten a tantrum in front of me.
I'm in my twenties. I wear pretty clothes but rarely put on makeup or take pains to wear something that isn't comfy (I'm kind of baby-faced, though, so people think I'm younger, for better or for worse). I do, however, put in the effort to maintain my curly hair.
Today, on my way to work, my hair was laid down, and a young woman tried to stop me in my tracks by repeatedly yelling, "excuse me", and when I went on my way, she shouted, "you rude"!.
Then, when I got to the area where my work is, where there are many offices, a woman in the parking lot asked from afar: " Do you work at the office?".
I said: " yes, why?". I said while moving forward, closer to where the offices were, as well as her.
"Are you going on the trip?"
"No", I said and moved past her. There was no trip I had heard of.
"You could have been nicer, u know? I just wanted to know if you were going on the trip", she said behind me. All I did was answer her questions without a smile.
All I was thinking of was, would a man get the same treatment had he acted this way?
I'm also feeling more determined than ever not to waste my time on people or extend my kindness to them out of a sense of obligation and people-pleasing.
I would never think a stranger is beholden to help me in anything not life-threatening (unless they are paid to do so) or scold them for not helping me.
I feel you on this one. A lot of people see a woman, especially a young woman, and they feel entitled to dictate how you should behave, while not concerning themselves with their own attitude towards you. It's like damn, focus on yourself. They think that you're beneath them in their beloved social hierarchy or something.
Oh, and some people say it's to do with how you act or present yourself. But it's not, in my opinion, it's simply because you're a young woman. They think you won't say anything back to them because of female socialisation. They can find any reason to justify their actions. If you looked shy, they'd feel emboldened to say what they wanted. If you look confident, that irritates them even more. If you dress well and wear makeup, you're up yourself or you're insecure, but then if you just dress for comfort, you should expect people to not respect you either. Whatever.
wtf this is so strangely confrontational of these people. if it makes you feel any better, my NVM ex once was accosted by our neighbour who was like "you know you could smile a little", which I found surprising. turns out he was privately losing his mind and becoming an alcoholic this entire time, which I had no idea of, so clearly my neighbour must've been damn perceptive LOL
it's funny because if you're a very smiley woman people think you're a bit dopey and if you don't smile enough then people think you're being actively aggressive
You've explained an interesting phenomenon that is common as hell nowadays. I think your question "if I were a man" overlooks this phenomenon. People feel entitled to courtesy- excessive courtesy IMHO, the burden is higher on women to provide this courtesy, but it is still expected from both sexes nowadays. Everyone nowadays expects everyone to treat them as of they are a customer receiving customer service. The customer service dynamic- that's expected of strangers in all settings, not just customer service reps- has been ever increasing over the past decade.
There is an entitled attitude people have towards one another that isn't founded in respect, generosity, or compassion- but in virtue signaling kindness, amiability, and self righteous authority. Basically the attitude nowadays isn't "eh a stranger was rude, or unhelpful" but "howdarethisstranger not accommodate my most reasonable question by giving me their time". People expect their bids ok strangers time and goodwill to be honored, not as a courtesy, but as an insult if not given. No coincidence in my mind that it correlates with the rise of the be kind argument- it's an attitude designed to erode people's boundaries towards one another.
You see this on road rage incidents, where not slowing down to be hyper courteous means you get flipped off as you pass, even tho 9/10 times when you slow down to allow a merge, it causes a traffic jam and is more disruptive to the flow of traffic.