A bit of backstory - I found FDS after taking a hard look at some of my own desperate behavior when it came to men - throwing all my eggs in one basket, making myself too available and open, giving them all my attention, etc. One bad habit I had that I've been breaking myself out of is the obsessive texting. I'd get some basic attention from a guy and I'd be texting back immediately, sending multiple messages, etc. because I was just so excited to be getting this attention. I'm getting better at it now but sometimes I still catch myself slipping, esp when it comes to texting back too fast or trying to send multiple messages to get his attention and message me back. Well, I was able to see what it's like to be on the receiving end of this behavior after downloading a new dating app recently.
I am in my mid 20's, I matched with a man in his early 30's. There's certain types of behavior I have come to expect from men based on their ages. First red flag: as soon as we matched this man messaged me, but it wasn't just one or two. It was like, a handful of messages. Actually I had counted - for every 1 message I sent in response, he sent about 6-10 back. Part of it would be him just rambling (typical male behavior IMO, they love to just hear themselves talk), but I noticed if I didn't respond "fast enough" he would send more. It was seriously like looking in a mirror. I used to do this so much with men and I would even be really conscious of the fact that I thought I was texting a little too much but it would be hard for me to break out of it. My god, how annoying and weird it was to be on the receiving end of this. This man was in his 30's, and here he is obsessively messaging some random younger woman (there was about a 7 year difference between us).
It was super off-putting and came off as not just immature but unnervingly insecure, and also a little unhinged tbh - both due to the rate at which he would send messages, and the way he would just ramble on about something without waiting for me to get a word in. As I said before I have done similar behavior in the past (not the rambling but just the Way Too Many Messages part) and I've been trying to work through not doing this anymore. I think in the future if I get the urge to do this again, I will think about how turned off I felt when this man was doing this to me...as I said - felt very unhinged, immature, insecure, generally annoying, etc. Like, no wonder I would turn men off when I did this. Even if you gave this man the benefit of the doubt and said he's just excited to talk to me - it's overwhelming and there's a little alarm that goes off in your brain that tells you "something's not quite right with this person" - it's because it comes off as really insecure that this person suddenly needs all this attention and validation from you, a stranger.