.png)
Top phrases not so much behavior , but those, too, but especially*words* that are indicative of behavior ( stage its rather early at the never met in person yet stage) that are instant red flags that you see in men.
These, below, were listed in the comments I saw on a post online so I did not come up with all of these, but I did add ethically non monogamous since no woman mentioned that one.
ETA: The point is to eliminate an unsuitable individual within the first 90 days. So looking for red flags or removing someone for them is exactly what you should be doing.
This post will hopefully help any of the younger generations or those who were in organizations where they were sheltered such as growing up in high control religion (where you had no idea) to realize that yes, sometimes to counter mens "strategies" it is best to examine any not-so-subtle clues they leave about how they think - even if you might not see what they saying or indicating (in isolation or by itself) as a red flag.
Remember the podcast suggest leaving at the first sign of disrespect.
A 🚩red flag is not always going to look the way we might expect. Red flags can show up in words or photos on his profile that will later be a a slew of signs that he could be unimaginative or a little careless or clueless - harmless by itself if you don't see him again. But if you do, with consistency and all together. with other issues...this is always major disrespect.
For those catching up on the podcasts, all episodes , especially the Patreon bonuses, are invaluable and goes into far more details. Things like a man 25+ not being able to plan a date he asked you on indicate many signs that show more than just not being sure of what he's doing or lacking experience. It could indicate lazy (a user) at best or weaponized incompetence (an abuser) at worst.
It may not be a red flag to you but it could indicate problems that you will not foresee.
A man who is say, selfish, or does not communicate clearly, will show this with multiple types of some of these red flags.
Let's spare ourselves,*and* other women who don't want to be with someone who is lazy, selfish, unimaginative, thoughtless, and entitled. (These are traits that will not necessarily show up in a date or three, or god forbid, a one-night stand - but they are there if you pay attention. No woman wants a potential partner or lover who is any of these things.)
ETA: I have even gone as far as blocking men on dating apps with some of these because I live in a smaller area and the apps recycle the same men after about 300-400 swipes so from the list of men who like your profile. This makes it easier to quickly see who is left (and often I can strategize for a neighboring area or go back to the apps later).
Knowing this list helps in even offline, IRL(In real life)...if a man has anything of these red flags, it's a hard pass.
a few that I saw online:
I'm an Alpha
All my exes were bad and crazy and I'm the good one
God-fearing/God-first
No Drama
No Gold Diggers
Just Got out of Relationship
Sapiosexual (yes we all like intelligence, it's coming off like you want a label to fit in and seem deep.)
Phone numbers on profiles
Any mention of crypto
Do you have a WhatsApp/Telegram? (This one is giving major "Scammers overseas" vibes.)
I don't date my own race (self-hating baggage)
I dont' have time for anything other than work and my child (says wants relationship on profile and puts this to get sex only and call that a relationship)
Here for a good time and not for a long time
Positive vibes only (this actually is a red flag on dating app, if a guy is truly like this it might not be however, positive toxicity is a real mentality that no one should align with as it a pedestalizing bar to be set up with)
I go with the flow
I am not a phone guy or variations, text only please
"females"
She's crazy or don't believe what you hear etc
Grand rising
Looking for my partner in crime
"You women"
I love you after one date
I'm a good guy or "nice" etc
Any version of sitting over here inhaling or exhaling
We are divorcing but still live together.
420-friendly on a non 420 prioritized dating app. (Why you ask? Because if weeding women out by this as a "quality" over actual qualities like being kind, patient, etc is that important to a man, his priorities are out of whack. His 420 will take precedence over you. It already has.)
Ethically non-monogamous (not divorced or not going to leave partner but wants to look for fun or whatever on the side)
also there was a twitter account called "Tom Cruise's Shoe lifts" and it has since disappeared but it mentioned like 26 things to look for as red flags ...I will post a few as photos since the account is gone now.
And one of them from this Twitter account was any mention of liking quirky anything that equivocates to the manic pixie trope. If you are neurodivergent in any way - then with these men, tread carefully.
Ladies, please add to this list or expound as to why you feel that any on this list are an instant red flag to you.
If you disagree with any, please tell us why you respectfully disagree - we welcome a nuanced conversation that is informative.
ETA: thanks for the comments 👇🏽 ...all of these are great points.
"No drama" doesnt mean he's conflict averse. It means that he regularly invites and creates drama in his life, and he blames everyone else for the drama instead of taking responibility for his contributions to it. So this is basically a warning that HE is going to cause drama for YOU.
"I'm an open book, ask me anything" = lazy and boring
Making their dog their entire personality
Requesting women to be in their early 20s when they are north of 45
"Doesn't take herself too seriously". He doesn't take himself seriously and will dismiss your needs, feelings, opinions, ambitions etc etc etc
If he says or indicates he's into "sex positivity". As we all know, the sex positivity movement is a fucking sham, so this is an indicator that he either just wants casual sex or at least expects you to have sex with him relatively soon or wants that to be a major aspect of the relationship. They want you to think it means he's just a super chill guy who respects women and ~female sexuality~.
my list is shorter:
is a man that exists
jokes aside, that's a pretty handy list. the one about crypto made me chuckle haha
the last item, about ethically non-monogamous, is anything BUT ethical.
i would add another item: any kind of virtue signaling is a red flag to me.
My favorite, "I'm looking for a girl who can hold her own" aka Don't ask me for shit. Don't count on me.
“ please no playing games ” ( what a stupid thing to write )
“ alpha or looking for a FeMinine women “
“ looking for a traditional woman ”
Ideal partner “ Should be fit , drama free )
No gold diggers
Meantions his height in bio again 6ft coz it matters to you women
Video games
Pictures with lots of attractive women making them as prop
Pic with a child then tagging child is not mine ! Why would you post that
Don’t know yet as looking for on bumble
Have casual Dates and long term relationship looking at the same time in his profile ( madonna whore complex )
Puts his main picture as a group pic where his other friends are more attactuve than him
If you’re on Facebook or IG, I recommend checking out Dr. Jennie Young and Burned Haystack Dating Method. She uses critical discourse analysis to study rhetorical patterns in men’s dating profiles.
A few thoughts:
This list is on point, as well as the additions from other commentators.
The only one I don't see as a red flag is "looking for my partner in crime." Perhaps someone can explain this one to me. I see it as just an expression, and not sure if men mean any harm by it.
In addition to having a phone number in the profile, it's equally a red flag having any social media handles in it. He's a harem builder, and/or he simply spends too much time on social media.
"Looking for the Pam to my Jim" or any variation of that, or any quotes from The Office. I love the series, but Jim and Pam are not it. And seeing "Bears, beets, battlestar galactica" or "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take - Wayne Gretsky' - Michael Scott" just gives lazy/boring/no personality.
"Looking for someone to be a mom for my dog"
I forgot another🚩 unsolicited 🍆 pics!
That isn't usually something that you don't know is a red flag.
It's an obvious one but for strategy this is the most entitled and dangerous mindset of selfishness.
It's an obvious block and delete.
What does grand rising mean/can I have some context for that?
I have a PhD and some of them will come on SUPER strong - gushing about how smart I am without me having had the opportunity to say anything even remotely insightful. You can sort of tell they're aggressively projecting on you and imagining you to be a certain way and the moment they actually get to know you or see you're human they'll start pulling away/going avoidant. I think a lot of men take whatever virtues you have and blow them up to be bigger than they are without having gotten to know you first, so watching for signs of that is usually helpful.
Also literally any man who uses the "best way to ask me out" prompt on hinge - like okay settle down princess. You can also tell any guy who lists his love language as "physical touch" is probably a sex pest and a gooner.
Love this post and all these comments! 100% agree with them. I’ll add:
“I’m a simple man.”
This means that you better have Zero Needs or Standards, and also that he doesn’t wash his ass.
I miss Tom Cruise's Shoe lifts lol! She is so beautiful and smart! I hope she's doing well!