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I have the ultimate story of a shitty male 'friend'. Strap in, queens. He's blocked but I'm still reeling over this.
I had a friend who we'll call Will. I met Will on an activity holiday 4 years ago where I happened to meet my ex fiancé. The three of us became friends and stayed in touch, holidaying together and meeting up semi regularly.
My ex and I broke up in 2020 and I moved city but stayed in touch with Will. He and I always had a common theme in that we both have an older, unwell parent. We'd often lend morale support to one another through WhatsApp etc (we're both in our 30s for reference).
Anyway, last year I invited Will to come and stay in my new city. I had a different partner at this stage (he knew) and I was in full hostess mode as I do for all good friends. I noticed he was a little 'flat' and I was trying very hard to plan nice things to do etc.
During this trip he told me his mother had died. It was totally out of the blue. I then felt obligated to make things enjoyable. I cooked, hosted my arse off, drove him all over the city and basically he left with me feeling concerned for him. He also extended his stay by a day.
He came for another trip earlier this year and extended his stay by a day - again! He didn't have any fixed ideas of what he wanted to do so it fell to me to plan.com. I'm cringing typing this out. I felt exhausted when he left.
This summer I accepted his invitation to stay at his new place. Here's how it played out:
He hadn't planned any activity for us to do despite my suggestions. He was content for us to drink in various pubs (none of which he appeared to have any knowledge of)
He bought the same bedding as I had for my spare room (weird) and actually asked me whether I wanted to take his bed and he take the couch. Duhhhh! Yes!
He had - apparently - intended to cook a meal for us the night I arrived but told me the ingredients were mouldy(!) He'd moved in the week before and blamed the move on his disorganisation. No, he didn't pay for a replacement meal.
He was 'experimenting' with his diet and therefore didn't have regular milk - only the type he drank. So, no coffee for me. Or breakfast! I like my coffee and god knows he drank a tonne of it at my home on both occasions
After another dull night of drinking he decides to tell me, clearly with some difficulty, that he's got feelings for me. Always has done and didn't want me to not know. Cue: the most fucking awkward night of my life and a speedy trip to my train the next morning
Queens, this made for an incredible story amongst my friends, all of whom have found it hilarious and speculated what on earth was going through his stupid mind that weekend.
But months on I'm still baffled why someone could behave in such a stupid manner and still expect their feelings to be reciprocated based on sub-zero effort and maximum cringe caused.
He apologised profusely over WhatsApp and told me how his feelings for me had clouded his judgement (WTF) and then made a host of excuses. I made it crystal clear that his behaviour was shit and that I expected better from a friend and needed a lot of space.
So being a nice, nurturing friend fucked me right over and I think there's so much that I/others can learn from this. Not to pander to anyone. Not to be a complete mug and to match the energy in every situation - romantic or platonic. I will never play host to an ungrateful scrote ever again.
I felt obligated by this friend's terrible news/turn of events and in turn tried to make things better. That wasn't my job. It's never our job to make shitty men feel better about being shitty!
Grrr. Would love your take on this one, gals. What do you think?