I know from experience that somehow there is a basic hospitality about me, that emanates from me, that causes some men to construe it as interest, and half the time (or more than half) I don't even realize I'm doing it, and yet after the problem ensues, I start questioning whether I should have tried harder not to cause the problem (I hate blaming myself). I also seethe with rage at the fact that no one seems to have ever taught these men that women can look friendly without the slightest intent of something else.
For example (and this is strictly hypothetical, not based on a true story), I could say in front of a man "Gosh darn it I had such a terrible day today" and put my face in my hands, and yet say the same thing in front of another man and that man may interpret it as an invitation to come over and touch me inappropriately. (Well, in reality I'm not going to do this but I'm just exaggerating to prove a point)
I avoid eye contact with men, don't smile as much as I used to and keep my communication with them to bare minimum. They read it all wrong, they assume we flirt with them because they are so incredibly audacious. Don't trust tem never ever.
Instead of "struggling with" your own personality, you should remove yourself (permanently, if possible) from situations in which men interpret "basic hospitality" as sexual invitation/receptiveness.
I realize you (and probably most women) may not have the luxury of being able to stay away from such environments. I have not always had that luxury.
But for the past couple years, I have worked remotely and lived in an environment that does not encourage men hitting on women. I no longer have to worry about projecting a certain personality to ward off unwanted sexual advances. I can be my natural self, for the most part, without worrying about that kind of thing. If this is something you can achieve, I encourage you to do so.
This is relatable. My opinion is that I don't think you should change a damn thing about yourself. Scrotes gon scrote. Most women are like you. We approach social interactions with warmth, whereas most men approach social interactions as though they are competitions to get sex. They are the ones fucking it up, not you.
It's true, men think two words from a woman means she's hitting on them. Take this information and use at as a license to be more of a bitch, only if you want to.
I used to be like this to everyone. But with men I'm now abrupt, curt, keep it business and professional I don't smile or entertain conversation with them for too long. It's really hard to do because you have to constantly be aware to do so when you are interacting with them.. and it's probably not something you're used to. The thing with American men is that they are ridiculously touchy feely with women, it's actually alarming. I asked them not to touch me because it's not considered appropriate in my culture to touch strangers. If they try to go in for a hug, I step back with my arms folded and offer a fist bump. American women never feel the need to randomly touch me or hug me. Women only going for a hug once we've hung out a few time and we're comfortable with each other.
I brought this exact problem to my therapist. I thought it was some vibe I was giving off. But she was clear: IT’S NOT YOU. IT’S THEM.
There are tons of bad men, men who touch women uninvited, men who try to bust women’s boundaries by getting close to them or speaking to them without consent.
Just move away from them. Possibly report to a manager if you’re in a store, restaurant or bar.
Do NOT take the blame for men’s bad behavior. You are doing nothing wrong, and don’t need to change your personality. Men need to change. In the meantime, just protect yourself.