What’s the best way to show up? I’m thinking total indifference / polite, but I’m still mad that he sabotaged what seemed like a promising relationship at month 5 by not showing up for me for 3 weeks (he’d said he was depressed about his weight and wanted space), taking me on a whirlwind trip, and then telling me he didn’t see a future together (serious whiplash). This guy really messed with my head by (for the first 4 months) sending beautiful flowers regularly, buying expensive gifts, extremely nice dates, and then at the end of the day telling me he felt nothing when he saw how hurt I was/crying at what he was saying (just devoid of any empathy). He even had the gall to send flowers with a purely professional note that week because I’d gotten a job offer.
I think he’s bringing my stuff in a suitcase that he might want back (idk why not boxes), so do I need to ask him in or can I tell him to wait outside? Should I look put together or put in zero effort?
I also feel like he’s going to try to say something like “I’ll look back fondly on the time we spent together” and honestly the thought of him saying this also makes me mad.
I know I shouldn’t care since we’re broken up (and good riddance), but I want to torment him in any way possible without looking obvious about it.
He can drop it off at the door. Tell him to just drop it off and knock and thanks for dropping it off.
Forget the loser. He thinks he's playing the "game" and will find better as he ages.
It don't work like that.
Forget polite, Silence is the best answer, don't talk to him, don't even look at him, grab your stuff and let him leave, You wouldn't acknowledge trash when you throw it away so don't acknowledge trash in human form.
Men hate it when you ignore them as they gently try to let you go because the nice guy act needs to remain intact, With zero response or interaction there is nothing he can do but sulk that the 5 months together no longer matter to you.
I'd tell him that you'll text him when you've unloaded the suitcase (at YOUR leisure/convenience) and put it outside your door for him to collect (without you having to suffer him in person). He's intentionally bringing it in something he wants back to extend the interaction....like there aren't scads of boxes every freaking where that he could've chosen to put your stuff into instead.
I get that you're in rage mode over all his scrotery, but the attitude you need to 'fake it til you make it' is that you have not one more fuck to give....not a single crumb of a fuck! Him & whatever his needs/wants/etc are, what...fucking...ever.
ZERO fucks left to give.
I agree with the other commenters that suggests him dropping off your belongings at the door.
Or you can ask a friend or someone you trust to pick up instead, tell your ex you're busy. Best if they're someone your ex doesn't want to mess with.
Wanted to thank everyone for the advice. He dropped my things at the door, and I left his stuff there too for him to pick up. I haven’t unpacked my stuff yet, but he said I can keep the bag, so he’s not coming back most likely. It wasn’t easy knowing he was coming / here, but at least I didn’t need to interact with him 🥲.
I think the best way to handle the situation is to be pleasant, as if you are unaffected by the breakup, but also not engaging in any conversation or reaction toward him beyond "thank you, goodbye." You should look put together and happy. If you pull a cold shoulder act, he's going to assume that he's the cause of that behavior, and he will probably jerk off knowing he had type of emotional hold on you. Or, the best option I think is to have him just drop it off like another user said. Best not to have to interact with him at all. He broke up with you; therefore, he has lost the privilege of having access to you.
I would say to let him drop it off at the door step whenever he proposes and to just not be there that evening. If he wants his suitcase back you could do the same.
Wanting ‘to torment him in any way possible’ is useless but very understandable and I would probably feel the same. If it makes you feel better, just don’t give him any communication at all and block him as soon as you have your things back. No matter what had been, he will be having a hard time wondering if he really was that easy to get over. There’s no winning with him anyway but if you show that you care you lose.
Good luck and good riddance!