Polyamory/EMM is mental abuse

I’ve noticed a growing trend, especially in big European cities, where it feels like half the people on dating apps are in “ethically non-monogamous” or polyamorous relationships. I’ll be honest — it gives me the ick. I’ve been cheated on before, and it didn’t just hurt emotionally. It upended my entire life — my mental health, my housing, my sense of security.

The idea of being dependent on someone who’s constantly scanning for their next partner? That’s not love or trust to me. Even in the best-case scenario with a healthy, securely attached person, I just don’t understand how it's mentally sustainable to be with someone who essentially says, “You’re great, but I still need other women.”

They often twist the narrative, too. They claim if you want monogamy, you’re “limiting” them — that it’s like expecting one friend to do everything with you. But friendship and romantic/sexual commitment are not the same thing. Sex isn’t just a recreational activity for me — it’s the glue of intimacy. If your partner won’t engage in certain fetishes or sexual interests, why not find a compatible person instead of keeping your current partner while outsourcing the rest?

It feels deeply immoral to me. I’ve heard people say, “Let’s open the relationship to save it.” That’s like saying, “I bruised my knee, so let’s break it completely to fix it.” The logic baffles me.

And yet so many women seem to go along with it. I just read a Reddit story where a woman went on holiday with her boyfriend — open relationship style — and two days in, he ditched her for their third. She paid thousands for that trip. Why are women tolerating this?

For me, it’s non-negotiable. The moment a man even hints that he’s talking to other women, exploring options, or wants “freedom,” I’m out. I will not compete. I will not be one of many. I don’t want to feel that every other woman is a potential threat. I won’t live on edge, wondering if I’ll have to move out next month because he fell in love with someone else.

I’m not bitter. I’m clear.

So yes — I’ve opted out of dating entirely for now. Because I’m not interested in being a placeholder. Unless a man is only interested in me, with actions that back it up, I’d rather stay single. Because that’s actually more peaceful, more stable, and more loving than being with someone who sees me as a piece of a puzzle rather than the full picture.