I'm from a background with a huge coffee/tea culture. According to FDS, coffee/tea dates are LV.
I've started dating guys from my culture, and having tea/coffee is literally the first step to dating.
I don't know what I should do since I can no longer tell if they're LV or HV.
I like high tea parties. A picnic with tea coffee and soda is something I like. But that takes planning and thoughtfulness. Something men don't like. They rather cut to the chase to score easy pussy.
There is a difference between Starbucks or getting coffee to go at a fastfood place and ... say ... visiting a beautiful botanical garden and stopping at their fancy little café for tea and cake.
Not all "coffee/tea dates" are the same just because coffee or tea is consumed.
In my country, people don't typically ask strangers / aquaintances on a romantic date without meeting up for a more casual hangout first. This would be a red flag in US dating culture, but here, even agreeing to one on one time with someone you don't know is already a big step. Also, when you do date someone romantically, it's usually implied to be exclusive so you don't need to have “the talk” (although sadly situationships have been on the rise here as well). Therefore I always take these FDS “no XY dates” with a grain of salt. What these rules mean is that we don't accept low effort. Many guys just give off a lax, noncommittal vibe, and that's what we're trying to avoid. My current partner and I first met for a walk, considered an FDS red flag, but a) it was my suggestion because I wanted to stay in my neighborhood and b) we both took it as seriously as others would a classic first date because again, it's kind of a bigger deal here to meet with someone alone, especially the opposite sex. He showed up nicely dressed and groomed too. The romantic intent became clear very early and he also verbalized his interest quickly, so it was all good in my book, and perfect for me who is easily socially overwhelmed anyway lol. I should also add that he had previously made effort to really get to know me and we had spoken for a while on the phone before. TL,DR: adjust the coffee date guideline to whatever standard you feel will weed out the low effort lazy bums in your country.
ETA: I also believe the coffee date discussion was started mainly because of the prevalence of online dating. On these platforms, men are trying to score easy sex all the time so women are advised to not entertain casual “date” offers. If I was on OLD, I'd probably follow that rule too, just to have an additional level of safety and to balance out the “ease of access” these men have to me via the app. Whereas if you meet in real life or outside of a dating context, there is already a higher bar to clear so a more casual date might be fine.
I think definitly a Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts would be LV… but what about a top tier classy coffee/tea place? Somewhere that have coffee beans that are delicious, high quality, organic…
Basically, if you cannot get out of the whole Coffee/Tea tradition, I would up your standards of what *place* the date will be at.
A place where a nice classy outfit is the norm and a casual outfit would be frowned upon.
That is my opinion !!!
I'm british and tea is part of our ethnic background. This still doesnt mean you have to accept coffee/tea dates, they are ALWAYS set up by low effort men.