WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
"Good luck finding a guy like that!": Do NOT fall for the LVM Cope.
Straight women everywhere have (or will) encountered a rut with the drought of worthwhile men and the oversupply of low-effort men.
Because we are taught to value male opinions, I'm willing to bet that 99% of you all have consulted another man in your life on your dating woes, whether that be your father, brother, cousin, coworker, or friend. You want to know if you're asking too much.
They almost always laugh and say "Of course you are. You'll never find a dude like that, but good luck." It is easy to believe that as a straight woman in a world where an Adam Sandler is owed both Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale.
Objectively, the fact remains, most straight men aren’t relationship material-- a number of these include men who are currently in what appears to be successful relationships. Furthermore, it is very likely that if you were to take the qualities of your male 'consultant' and discard the name & relation, you would very likely also find him to be below your standards.
But when you are seeing a man through a platonic lens, you see them only as a friend and ignore their bias; you effectively don't see their opinions for what they truly are, biases and all. "All men are like that" is a statement that teaches women to expect the lowest of all men.
While men (as a class) do have certain behaviors biologically, the behaviors that have been encouraged by society like womanizing, being sexual opportunists, and mistreating women are not uniform across all men (a large portion, yes) and should not be allowed for in the slightest.
If you are seeking advice and your platonic male friend says that you will never find a man who doesn't go to strip clubs, doesn't watch porn, doesn't laze around on anniversary presents, etc., it is not because these things are true for all men. This man is projecting.
He's telling you this because he's not capable of planning a thoughtful anniversary for his partner, nor is he able to detox from his "casual" porn addiction. He's also telling you that you will not find a LVM like him who is able to break free of behaviors reserved to degenerate men, which in part is true--you are not going to find a LVM who meets your standards, but we've covered that already.
Would you even want to date a loser like this though? By telling himself that these men do not exist, he makes himself feel better. It helps as well that he has no evidence to prove that HV men exist in this scenario, because you are the one consulting him. He can simply brush off any man who claims to not watch porn as a liar, or call any man who put effort into making his woman happy "pussy-whipped".
Once you are told "You'll never find a guy like that" enough times by enough LVM, you start to cave. You start to think, "Is it true that my standards are too high?!" The PickMe Disease sets in as your bar starts to lower and lower. You start taking the garbage back in and wasting time with LVMs who would have not even passed your original first litmus test of weight, height, age, and occupation.
LVM do women dirty by convincing us that there is no dating pool for women who have standards. What do you have to gain with lowering your bar just so that your dating pool widens? Absolutely nothing, because LVM are the sole beneficiaries of these tactics. Enough men to perpetuate this lie and there's enough HVW who will put themselves on equal (or lower) footing with LVM.
Do not give in and do not compromise your standards for a man's character, integrity, and ambition. You have everything to lose and LVM have everything to gain when you lower your bar. Let this be the wake up call that the platonic LVMs in your life are biased, and that the only dating opinion from a man that will truly matter is from a HVM.