A friend in the dating game brought this up today. Have you ever gone on a first date which was exciting, memorable, and with high effort from the man, only for him to immediately become lazy afterwards? I know I have. At first, he takes great care in getting to know the things you like. The first date reflects that. Whether it be dinner at a classy restaurant, an exclusive event, or an activity based on an interest of yours. The date goes well and he asks to see you again. But suddenly his ideas are really lacking - 'hang out' at his place, go for a walk, have coffee or lunch together. I don't get it. Do these guys only have the effort in them for one good date, then they think the woman is in the bag and stop bothering to impress her? To be clear, my girlfriend is a funny, dynamic HVW who many would describe as high-maintenance. Not a desperate pick-me who seems like she'd settle for anything. She inspires me to level up myself! So, what's the deal? Have you experienced this? And do you think it's a recent phenomena influenced by OLD and the like, or has this scrotery always gone around?
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I think men will do the bare minimum to get sex.
He probably read online that high value women prefer effort so impress her with a good date. Since it is not innately in his nature to consider a woman with empathy and respect, his mind is “cool, if I do this I’ll get sex.”
I’ve had men on the first date tell me how hard it was to get a reservation. How far they had to drive to get there. How much effort they had to put in to make it happen. These men want a gold star and the acknowledgment of "Wow! You put in effort and since you have explicitly pointed it out to me I will now give you sex in return, as is your rightly due!"
HVM don't point these things out because they want to be impressive, not just get a gold star for doing something they would otherwise never dream of doing unless sex is the reward.
I don't think it's so much an OLD phenomena as much as an internet phenomena. Men just have to Google "how to impress a woman on a date" to get ideas on how to manipulate her into bed.
They're concept of return on investment is also skewed. Like a man might court a woman intentionally and romantically for three months then think "Cool, in return for that I'm now owed about 50 or 60 years of marriage where I can be a lazy POS."
Reminds me of my ex during our breakup after several years of neglect. "You're clearly not remembering all the great things I did for you the first year we were together!!"
...Yes, I do remember baby but it's the last five years of neglect I have a problem with.
those are LVM who are trying to desguise as HV. they know our strategies and they know most women get easily impressed by a fancy dinner. don't get fooled by a few dinner dates and a nice conversation. HVW are looking for way more than that.
this shitty male behaviour is becoming more common. many people think that "hanging out" and "chill dates" are synomimous with connection and intimacy because they feel comfortable with that guy, like they can be themselves and not worry so much about their appearance, etc. and they think the guy feels the same (projection) and therefore he's being himself too, and he's being honest. that's a trap! men will do anything to get into your pants.
stay alert and vet properly. dates should be upgraded, not downgraded.
I think most women have experienced this i.e. where a man takes you on one high-effort date only for the following dates to be extremely low effort. I have experienced this many times. I think that the answer is very simple. Most men are lazy. They want sex but are only willing to put in a small amount of effort to get it. On the positive side, these men are revealing themselves to be low-effort and low value which allows us to dump them before wasting too much time on them. Sometimes we don't even have to dump these men. Sometimes, if we haven't jumped into bed with them by the third date, they dump us. Whether they realise it or not, they're actually doing us a favour by doing this.
Yes, I've experienced this more times than I care to count.
It goes without saying that you should block and delete.
I think this kind of scrotery has always been around. You shouldn't concern yourself with it. Just B&D, and move on.
They are ultimately LV and they just show true colors after they think they deserve sex as reward for "effort".
Men also follow websites that tell them how to get a woman to sleep with them. Do you think this forum doesn't circulate around redpillers as info source of how to get high quality women?
So they read and learn that they need to plan high effort date but of course most of them don't have the patience and resources to follow through.
I find that current dating market is extremely unhealthy. Women of course still have upper hand but men are close behind and for every vetting strategy they find a way around it.
You want high effort first date - you get it. Only he will waste two evenings instead of one. That's why I advocate meeting men half way - see if you can become friends. It's extremely good vetting tool. If a man can be respectful when there's no sight of sex on horizon - plus point. You can move further.
Don't ever go out with men from OLD. 99.9% are there to obtain sex and the 0.1% remaining has low chance to ever find the right match. Seriously, meet eligible men IRL. They are there and you will know when you meet one.
If he offers shit ideas after the first wonderful date, that’s when you say:
“I had fun last time, but moving forward, I don’t think this is going to work out; have a nice life. (See you never lol)”
Don’t respond, block and delete.
Yeah it's just to lure you in, then they revert to their true selves and get lazy and complacent. Men are massively influenced by p*** nowadays and they probably expect us to put out as fast as they see it in their perverted movies. 🤢 If they could call the shots, their ideal scenario would probably be one which requires even no effort on their part at all. But since real life isn't like the movies 🙄 , they begrudgingly try to maintain a facade for the first date (some don't even do that).
It's kind of like lovebombing in fast forward mode: you get treated well for a date, then the "devaluation" (figuratively speaking) begins. Which leaves you as just as confused as the classical narc tactic precisely because the first date seemed to go so well and was so nice, so why the drop in effort all of a sudden? And before you know it, you find yourself wondering and analyzing and trying to figure him out, which was probably his goal in the first place in order to get you hooked.
Like others have said, just block and delete. This is why FDS has the great mantra "the only real green flag is consistency" https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mbj1t3/there_are_no_green_flag_shortcuts_the_only_real/ (great thread)
The problem is that most men are 'acting' to impress a woman. An impressive man is naturally impressive and that doesn't end.