What Is A Gentleman?

Here are some things that I believe contribute to a man earning the title of "gentleman". I was thinking about this after listening to podcast episode 26, on the Rules of Misogyny. (Great episode, one of my favorites so far.)

A gentleman understands that women have to navigate a constant stream of bad-faith interactions with men. He empathizes with women for that and does his small part to make it better. His role is to participate respectfully in the woman's vetting process.

He supports social norms that require men to go out of their way to show that they are behaving in good faith. He lets the woman make the call about whether she wants to get in a car with him, whether she feels comfortable going back to his house. Just like he finds out your date preferences and makes a reservation, he picks up on your comfort level and takes his cues from that. If he's having trouble figuring it out, he asks in a way that makes it clear that he wants to know your true preferences, not a fake answer that flatters him.

He doesn't mind the slight inconvenience to him, because he knows that these norms protect women. This goes double for romantic interactions, and triple for sexual interactions.

He doesn't feel entitled to women's immediate trust. He is too secure in himself to feel upset because a woman is vetting whether he may be a predator, abuser, or scammer. He wants her to vet, because she is going to meet scrotes, and he cares about women and wants us to protect ourselves. He understands that it's not personal, and he doesn't try to turn it around and make it about him.

He expects other men to conduct themselves in this way. When they don't, he knows how to call them out in a constructive way. "Dude, that's messed up" is a classic.

I've met men like this, and I feel so comfortable around them. They usually have high self-esteem. They come across as caring, although they may or may not wear their heart on their sleeve.

Thoughts?