Now, this mindset in itself is not a problem -- you would want your life partner to have your back when dealing with the trials and tribulations of life, right?
Except when it comes to relationship with a man, if he sees you as a "work partner" -- you are expected to WORK.
You are expected to contribute to the household -- paying the bills, maintaining the house, doing chores, raising the children.
He expects to SEE the tangible things you "bring to the table" -- and if you fail to live up to his expectations, he will be disappointed.
He expects you to be fully hands on in raising the children -- because "that's what a mother is" -- and any slack on your part is deemed a "sin". Good luck on doing anything other than "being a good mother" because even wanting a weekend gateway for yourself is deemed "neglecting your children".
You are expected to have superb wifey and household skills -- otherwise what use are you to him?
And get this;
Women who have "it is a partnership" mindset tend to think:
"Well I have skills x, y, and z and will do w, t, and f for him -- he will surely find these valuable and will stay loyal to me and have my back"
Do you see what's wrong here?
This is still a LIMITING BELIEF.
You are limiting the importance of yourself in his life -- you believe the only reason he stay with you is because you can do things for him.
This "I got your back, so you got mine" mindset works really well between men -- they can form strong brotherhood among themselves. Because they see each other as equals.
You CANNOT expect a man to see you and treat you the same way he treats his brotherhood -- because that will end up being fifty shades of absolute bullsh*ttery.
Because again, if you manages to make him see you as a "work partner" -- you cease to be a woman in his eyes.
You will be expected to work, work and work -- and you can never rest.
Being a "work partner" is like being a reliable, durable safety shoes -- he likes you enough, relies on you, make good use of you so very thoroughly, and knows that even if he left you alone, you got it all covered.
He doesn't need to worry about you -- he doesn't even think about you. He can go relax with his friends knowing that the things at home are fine and in working order.
And if you stop being reliable? Oh well it is frustrating, but he can easily find a replacement. Unless he is the vindictive type, he will forget about you soon enough.
You don't have to wonder what this kind of relationship looks like -- just open your eyes wide and take a look around. This is all those 50/50, role-reversal, female breadwinner, workhorse wife relationshits that are the standard nowadays.
You know, the kind of relationship that make a woman says "I don't feel like a woman anymore".
You NEED to reframe your mindset -- You WANT to be his PRECIOUS
Imagine yourself like a butterfly -- big, gorgeous wings but oh so delicate. He must exercise utmost control otherwise he will hurt you.
He wants to be super duper triple extra deluxe careful and disciplined in how he treats you -- because he loves you so Goddamn much but if he isn't careful, he will break you.
He can't afford to be careless with you -- because he is terrified you will be hurt, and slip away from his fingers.
When you are his precious -- there's only ONE of you in his world. No one can replace you, no one can even come close to the shadow of you.
A million women can literally drape themselves over him and he will shake his head and gently rejects them, saying "She is the only one for me." Yes, even if Miranda Kerr calls for him, believe it or not.
Because the kind of love he has for you isn't just a shallow, lust-based one. It is ancient, it comes from deep, deep within -- it is beyond our comprehension.
This kind of love is not selfish, it is not obsessive, it is not aggressive, it is not domineering, it is not arrogant or smug or any of the stupid attitude you see underdeveloped manchildren exhibit in all these superficial "relationships".
It is mature and gentle, yet so unshakably strong -- like a mature tree with roots deep in the earth.
It is a very SINCERE love.
When you are his PRECIOUS, your relationship will be unlike anything you and other people will ever see.
People will be baffled, wondering what's so special about you that this man loves you so much.
You will find him subconsciously thinking about you and wondering what you are doing -- even when he is out relaxing with his friends. Maybe even ending up buying trinkets and knick-knacks that reminds him of you.
You will find him naturally want to take over and deal with EVERYTHING -- yes, even the playdates and school stuff -- because he doesn't want you to be stressed or troubled in any way.
He lets you do certain stuff NOT because he expects you to be responsible for it -- but because IT MAKES YOU HAPPY. If the stuff no longer makes you happy -- he will quickly swoop in and take over.
Your desires are not annoyance or inconvenience to him -- but a source of PRIDE. He is proud that you rely on him and trust him to fulfill your desire -- and he embarks on the mission immediately to make you happy.
Now do you understand why some men are HAPPY to give his wife spending money and let her go on a shopping spree? Because he is PROUD to show the world that he can PROVIDE for his precious. People will watch her going giddy at the handbag sections and he will be right beside her, silently puffing up in pride.
When he calls you BEAUTIFUL -- it isn't just about your looks. It is about your whole being, your presence, the fact that you comes into his life, the fact that he founds you and you allow him to be with you -- the fact that you EXISTS.
You are the person who just effortlessly calm his heart when the noises of the world are too much -- just by being there.
You are the person whose smiles make his whole being filled with so much joy and happiness -- he doesn't even know what to do with himself.
He chokes up and his eyes sting when he think about you -- about how grateful he is that he finally found you.
But get this -- his heckles are raised NOT because he is angry that other people are interested in what he "owns", no. His heckles are raised because he is TERRIFIED of losing you.
You are his HOME.
Try to understand what that means. You are his HOME -- the presence that literally gives LIFE to his house and makes every nook and cranny come ALIVE just by being there.
You are his SOURCE of life, of HAPPINESS. You cozy up his once fine-but-kinda-dull-and-lifeless house just by being there.
In the quiet moment to himself, he will reflect on his life and thinking -- if all the sufferings, the lonely nights, the loss, and the tears are because he can meet you one day -- then he will gladly go through them again and again and again.
And you will understand why some men -- regardless of how the woman looks or not being the perfect Wife™ archetype -- happily do anything and everything, even dying for her.
I don't think most women fully understand yet just how PRECIOUS your presence is in a man's life. Your existence, literally, is what saves him from the dull, fine-but-kinda-flat life.
Yes, HVM will have a complete and busy life on his own -- he has healthy relationships with his social circle -- but a part of him still remains lonely and dull especially when he comes back to his I-got-everything-I-want very impressive, very big house -- but there is still something missing.
If you can't find a man who treats you like you are his precious -- please, just stay single. Anything else other than being his precious is truly not worth your time.