Alright, since we've come to the Handbook Posts: Signs of Toxic Jealousy, I think it is a good idea to counter-balance that with signs of healthy jealousy before some of you go off to the deep end and think that jealousy itself is toxic.
No, jealousy itself is just part of human nature. If you have feelings, you will feel jealousy.
What makes it toxic is when the jealous person -- in this case a jealous man handle his jealousy in an unhealthy, toxic way that hurt and destroy the people around him -- aka you.
Mentally healthy, emotionally stable, fully developed, genuine HVM feels jealousy too. But as you have guessed -- he will handle it in a very healthy way.
"But he shouldn't have felt jealous in the first place!"
Have you never feel jealous towards your siblings? Feel jealous when your parents pay more attention to your cousin? Feel jealous when your best friend gets too chummy with another friend?
You feel jealous because you care. If you don't feel jealous, the other person isn't important to you.
So to say that he should NOT feel jealous -- and only accepting a man that don't show jealousy -- is just free from the tiger to jump to the crocodile. Same sh*t, different face.
If he isn't showing jealousy with you, he doesn't care about you. At all.
But as I said, a HVM will handle his jealousy in a HEALTHY way. And it will even benefit you!
1) When a HVM is jealous of your accomplishment, he will strive to be wayyyy better for you
When you get a promotion or graduate a master or something -- he will be happy and proud of you. But that also signals to him that he needs to step the f**k up because you are now moving to a new "level". So being the protector and provider of you, he will need to be work harder to be able to protect and provide for you at the new level.
Call it a man pride, but he isn't satisfied just being the cheering squad. He WANTS to be able to make you fully comfortable and satisfied with him at that new level -- so don't be surprised he quietly start a new business or find ways to earn more money. Not because he wants to compete with you or anything -- he simply wants to be able to afford providing for you at that new level.
You are the home to his house -- so before the promotion, you are used to a condominium, for example. But once you get the promotion and you are now open to the possibility of a penthouse -- what happens to him? Of course he wants to be able to afford the penthouse for you.
2) When he is jealous of the attention you are getting from other men -- the only "trouble" you have is that he is getting clingier.
When you successfully activated his MATE-GUARD instinct, his will want to signal to other men that you are his, and all these other men better back-off.
His hands will be on your hips, your back, your shoulder, he will find ways to ensure you are safely in his arms, he will follow you around, he will want to hold hands, find ways to show PDA, keep looking at you, keep playing with your hair etc. Not wanting to be away from you for too long.
He stays polite and friendly with your friends and social circles -- but when he knows the other guy is vying for your attention, he may have a tense, silent stare down with him behind your back or something, maybe a little warning on the down-low. You will not be made aware of it at all -- because again, he doesn't want to upset or trouble you. But he isn't gonna be a push-over with the threat, he will stand his ground and be firm.
It is almost comical in a way -- because you have NO IDEA what's going on but the people around you feel the tenseness. Especially when it is two HVMs in a competition -- I would describe it as heavy, it is not the heat from anger and aggression -- but like this quiet, rock-heavy, dense tenseness.
3) You have an inkling that he is jealous of something concerning you -- because he starts lavishing you with stuff and treatments
Don't be surprised if the HVM starts lavishing you with jewelry, clothes, accessories -- things that you can wear, and nudge you to wear those when going out, especially when meeting other men. HVMs that I know of actually really love adorning their spouses with jewelries because that signals to other men that "This one is my precious and I can afford to spoil her -- SO BACK OFF."
You can feel that he is competing with someone because he keeps finding new things to gift and treat you to -- and don't be surprised, you may start getting sick of it a little. Because it keeps coming.
Flowers, date nights, clothes, accessories, jewelries, tech equipment, spa treatments, vacations, calls, texts -- or maybe you are a hobbyist, a new studio for your projects -- or a whole ass closet for your collection.
Even the way he is with you -- he is getting flirtier, the affections never-ending, the kisses are deeper, the hug tighter, the bedroom acts more possessive -- not in ways that hurts you of course, but, more intense. You know, rawr.
You actually will be the one waiting for whatever the hell's going on to finally slow down, for him to get it out of his system because it is a lot. You are happy of course being spoiled and pampered like this but damn, it is a lot.
But the main point is: He will never UPSET you in any way, shape or form.
The main issue with toxic jealousy is that the LVM with dump it all on you and hurt you. You will bear the suffering whenever he feels the jealousy.
HVM with healthy jealousy is the EXACT OPPOSITE -- he will never ever everrrr hurt you, upset you, embarrass you, makes you sad, trouble you, worry you etc.
HVM is a mentally and emotionally healthy guy -- he is not going to deny the feeling of jealousy because he is human -- but he also knows how to handle his jealousy in the best way possible.
And that way is by making you the happiest woman on earth so that your attention don't shift elsewhere.
Stay safe.
This did make me smile because it is so very true. I can give you an example, my current fiancé knew that I had to interact with my ex because of our shared dog, who even after our breakup lavished me with a lot of high stuff that he (my fiancé) noticed. while we were just dating I was entertaining and partying with other men AS purely FRIENDS and although he noticed this (and went to effort to find out how involved I was with them) he continued to bring me flowers, diamonds, clothing etc. he knew that I was only friends with these other men and knew that my ex gave me some designer things (which I accepted but tried to downplay where I got them from). But knew I remained faithful to only him. after knowing this he proposed marriage to me on out one year anniversary in a beautiful beautiful way (hotel room, rose petals, gorgeous ring, amazing high end restaurant dinner) and I accepted and cut off connections with these other men. That was the deal. Before that I told him he wasnt really ENTITLED to know everything that I did with other guys including being friends with others. Because I want someone who will be a husband to me And proves this continually with his actions. Which HE DOES and makes me so happy with continued investment, actions, intent and makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.I can only speculate on his feeling and whether it was mate guardian and if this made him up his game or a happy accident that had the ideal outcome so this is just anecdotal but thought I would share my experience. xoxox
This warmed the heck out of my icy heart. I’ve known men like this, it’s incredibly wholesome to witness when male mate-guarding instinct is triggered.
I also think this is why the “red pill” movement stress that the “MaLE MaTE GaURd iNTInCt DOesnT WORK” on them agahahhahahah. yeah IT DOES. And it works to THE EXPRESS BENEFIT TO THE WOMAN
Excellent and important post. Feeling jealous every now and then is a normal human thing. How you react to it is the important part.
A HV man will never make his own jealousy your problem by making you suffer for it, burdening you with it or demanding that you accomodate it in any way.
On #3, my ex was jealous of me still wearing jewelry from previous exes (but didn't tell me to stop wearing it or anything). He ended up giving me the most expensive jewelry I had ever gotten :'). I do think that a HVM would set boundaries if you were in an exclusive relationship and you were involved in something actually "fishy". Flirtationships/situationships disguised as "just friendships" are way too common these days. But it wouldn't be aggressive or controlling, boundaries are about what you are willing to put up with, not about making the other person do something.
I love it when they get "mate-guardy" <3
@SayNad again with the straight truths right herr
I actually had been dating a HVM before in 2019 he would always lavish me with gifts suprisie me with manicure and would always buy me food back when I was a college student but my recent EX who is a very disturbing LVM he would be so mad at me just because I said hi to the dj and he also would never buy me anything. If he did he would always nudge me to buy him the latest shoes or designer jeans I cannot believe I dated him. He was a very disturbing person