Obviously, of course you are. But I'm curious about your experiences in life.
For the past couple of years, I have been allowing myself more free reign to be angry. I have been heavily conditioned to "take the higher road", to "smooth things over", and to calm everyone around me down--to be the "nice, calm, sweet" problem solver, and to endlessly empathize and "see it from their perspective". I do now feel like people are unacceptably comfortable blowing up at me, and I no longer allow that to happen without consequence.
What's interesting to me is that I'm not even flying off the handle. I am very articulate, fact-oriented, and VERY ASSERTIVELY addressing bullshit behavior and saying such. "Hey--I'm not ok with you talking to me like that;" or, "I'm not going to tolerate you speaking to me that way;" or, "Because you didn't follow through on your obligation, you've now put me in a very stressful position." Setting boundaries and standing up for myself.
I have been a little shocked at the response from people, that this is absolutely unacceptable.
In some ways I expected it, but I've notice that someone women tend to "get away" with this behavior more--as in it has the desired response and they are taken seriously, and the antagonistic person apologizes or takes accountability.
In particular, in my family, I am the oldest, and my youngest sister actually does fly off the handle, raises her voice (screams sometimes), and has thrown massive temper-tantrums when she doesn't want to accept accountability for something. She's a full-fledged adult (late 20s), not a child. And somehow my parents think "Well, that's just how she is, we have to find a way to speak to her differently so we don't upset her that much, the poor thing." But for me (and this is not an exaggeration), the last time I stood up for myself and called them out on some behavior, they kicked me out of the house. (For context, I was only staying there as a temporary in-between; my youngest sister has only spent one year living on her own her entire life and has stayed there the rest of the time.) One parent agrees it was a massive overreaction. The issue is they would never dream of doing this to my younger sister, but they are unacceptably comfortable doing this to me. Probably because they've conditioned me to put up with this shit.
This has also happened to me in relationships. Granted, that could be just men, and that I was in emotionally/psychologically abusive relationships where nothing I said was taken seriously, and when I did get upset it was flipped on me. But perhaps, again, my conditioning attracts this sort of man.
I also have friends in relationships who seem to be able to pull out the "bitch" card (and I use that word with affection and admiration), and their partners go tail-between-their-legs and correct their behavior. God, I wish I had a man who was appropriately afraid of my anger instead of dismissive and manipulative about it.
I don't get angry often. But when I do, it's justified. However the people around me act like I am completely out of line for having the audacity to express anger instead of doormat-like sweet, sympathetic compassion to all things at all times. (Too bad; it's not going to stop me.)
Ladies, what is your experience with anger and boundaries? Is it received well?