WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
I've yet to meet a woman who's never dated a LVM. So why do we do it? What drives us to make this choice? Especially when we already know better?
1) You Don't Know He's LV.
He's charming, handsome, funny - and you're crazy about him. Before you know it you're committed to (and sleeping with) a man whom you don't even know all that well, but what does it matter? You're in love! At least until you find out he's still on Tinder 3 months later, or that he has a problem with alcohol, or that he blames everyone else for any problems he faces and constantly criticizes you...well, you get the picture.
2) You Know He's LV, But You Think You Can Change Him.
Sure, he cheated on his last girlfriend and he just got fired from Burger King, but with your patience and love and vagina he can finally grow into the man you know he really is on the inside! Except that you can't change anyone and there's no point pulling a man up by his bootstraps (he'll just use those shiny boots you bought him walk out the door and over to his new girlfriend's place).
3) You Know He's LV, But He's Got One Specific Thing You Really Want.
Maybe it is incredibly important to you to marry someone of the same faith. This guy may not have everything (or anything!) else you need, but this one, particular trait is hard to find and valuable to you, so you're loathe to let him go. You know it might be weeks or months before you find another guy with that thing, whatever it is. Unfortunately, it's not enough to only meet one of your standards, even if it is the most important one.
4) You Know He's LV, But You Don't Think You Deserve Better.
Call it low self-esteem, call it trauma or toxic attachment styles - whatever it is, some part of you thinks that you don't really deserve a person who treats you well. Maybe that's what you saw growing up, so deep down you think it's normal and you're uncomfortable with the thought of someone treating you better. Whatever it is, get yourself to therapy and dump this man yesterday.
5) You Know He's LV, But You Don't Think Better Exists.
All men cheat. All men are lazy. All men are messy and just want a combo maid/therapist/fwb, but you want a man (why??) so you've decided to put up with it. Better men do exist, even if they aren't common, and the time you waste putting up with LV behaviour is time you could be spending doing literally anything else. Even if you never meet someone "better", you'll be happier single than you could ever be with a dude who's gonna complain about folding his own laundry.
6) You Know He's LV, But You Think You're Immune To It.
You know he's worthless, but you want attention/validation/a fwb and you're sure that you can avoid catching feelings. There may be some Queens out there for whom this is true, but I know that personally I have a hard time not caring about people, and I was perpetually falling for LVM who didn't deserve it. Why take the risk? Validate yourself, give yourself attention and buy a vibrator. He's still wasting your time, even if you know it in advance.
7) You Know He's LV, But You're Lonely.
Better to be alone, seeking solid female friendships, mentors, and family support than wasting time on a man who can never add anything meaningful to your life. You will inevitably be lonelier in a bad relationship than you will on your own. Loneliness cannot kill you, but a LVM might.
Notice that 6 times out of 7, you really do know that he's low value, you just don't really want to admit it. Be ready, willing and able to acknowledge the truth, even when it sucks. You will always be happier without him in the long run.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.