WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
Keep your heart on lockdown until he has demonstrated consistently that he cares about making you happy.
It’s easy to get attached if a man acts right in the beginning. That’s why a lot of women stay in relationships that don’t benefit them anymore. They refuse to see the red flags and their partner’s indifference and lack of respect towards them. These women keep thinking back to the good old days. It’s what sustains them and chains them to the unfulfilling relationship.
You wanna know if a man truly cares about you? He tries to make you happy.
He remembers the things that you like and makes an effort to make them happen. Men tend to do this in the beginning anyway, so what you have to watch out for is his consistency.
Once you sense inconsistency on his end, instead of spiraling which some of us tend to do (like me), it’s best to put a lockdown on your heart if you haven’t already done it, and stay calm.
A man stops putting effort in making you happy if he feels that he has full possession of you. He wants a challenge.
To detach yourself from him, stop thinking about him 24/7. That creates an unhealthy dependence on him mentally. Out of sight, out of mind.
Next, if you have been too available, be less available. He should be the one who should be luring you back into the relationship. If he does that, be careful about jumping in too quickly. Make him earn you.
It’s best to still maintain some distance from a man so he knows that he doesn’t have hold on you. And he shouldn’t have a hold on you. 80% of your happiness should come from things outside of your relationship with him. So, start occupying yourself with new hobbies and self-improvement. This really does work.
If he still doesn’t step up, you can’t force him to do anything. You can’t demand that he treat you a certain way.
As a woman, you can only inspire him to give what he wants to give.
If he doesn’t give you what you want, then he doesn’t feel like it. You should then ask yourself, which you’ll be able to easily do since you have a wait and see attitude + you have a parachute on your heart, “Am I still benefiting from this? Is this still making me happy? Am I still getting what I want out of him?”
If not and you’ve given him some chance to step up by altering your mindset (becoming more independent mentally + having a waif and see attitude + not being too attached + not making him think he has a 100% hold on you) and showing it through your behavior, then you have to say sayonara to him.
You’ve already done the most that you can: improving your mindset by adapting a badass bitch attitude in relationships. Trying to please him doesn’t work. All you can do is work on yourself. If you’re already in a good headspace and it still isn’t working out with the other person, then it’s just not meant to be. Maybe you’re not a good match, or the other person changed, or you changed. The two of you are better off being with other people.
You deserve to be with someone who cares about making you happy. Don’t ever settle for anything less than that. Life is too short.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.