My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He is problematic and I posted about him before. I do know he loves me, but I also know that love isn’t enough and that two people need shared values and mutual respect.
An enormous issue in our relationship is that I want to wait until I am married to have sex. I am 29 and managed to wait this long. He doesn’t.
I want to wait until marriage because a) I am religious b) purity culture is somewhat ingrained in me c) if I don’t, I will freak out CONSTANTLY about getting pregnant and babies and d) I don’t want to set a precedent if it doesn’t work out between my boyfriend that because I am no longer a virgin, I am expected to have sex with the next guy I date. I also just really don’t want to have sex until I am married. If this relationship doesn’t work out, I will feel ashamed and hurt that I gave up my virginity.
I have no desire to take hormonal birth control because everyone I know had a shitty time on hormones. The copper IUD is the only option and that is a painful experience.
And here’s the problem: I have done pretty much everything besides intercourse. So I am not a walking pinnacle of purity either. We have gotten to “third base” or whatever you want to call it and he gets his enjoyment doing just that. Why do we need to take things further? Why can’t he be happy just going as far as we have gone and move on with life?
He gets very angry about this. I visited him yesterday and freaked out, crying that I don’t want him to stick it in me. He got very angry and blew up and shouted at me that I don’t want him and then that he planned his entire day around me and now I ruined it. I broke down crying and started to get ready to leave and he apologized profusely. I kept trying to explain to him how much sex terrifies me and he kept telling me that I am overreacting and too panicky.
I honestly would be happy living in a world without sex. I am so upset that we have this biological urge that can ruin our lives in an instant with disease and pregnancy. I hate this so much. If there was zero consequence to sex, I would have sex. But because of the risk of pregnancy and babies, sex terrifies me.