Or textationship, or however it's spelled - a situationship which basically happens via texting. Anyway. I just learned this the hard way so I want to shout this from the rooftops:
TEXTING FOR HOURS ALL DAY EVERY DAY CREATES NOTHING BUT FALCE INTIMACY. AND BOOOOY DOES IT HURT TO RECOVER FROM IT.
If a guy you barely know just keeps texting and texting - NOT CALLING! - and seems reluctant to meet f2f, he's just wasting your time!!!! Don't make up excuses for him. IF HE'S NOT MAKING TIME FOR YOU, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. TEXTING IS NOT MAKING TIME. Either he's not really interested in you, is actually taken irl or just getting some kind of supply from your attention - doesn't matter, the outcome is the same a.k.a. BS which is not fit for a queen.
Textuationship won't be a real relationship but it feels like one since you know sooooo much about them and you've told sooooo much about yourself. Blegh. I thought I was in the clear since we actually had one date irl, but in hindsight he was extremely rude, "couldn't" meet me for a second time because he was "so busy", and then he ghosted me 🙃 It took him almost two weeks to ask me out and then almost another two before we actually met because of our different schedules, so we had been texting almost for A MONTH when we finally met. He had me trained and conditioned like Pavlov's dog by then. DON'T DO THIS.
I think this kind of marathon texting is getting more and more common these days and it's extremely easy to fall into, so I wanted to remind everyone. Keep your boundaries, ladies!
This is my #1 biggest dating regret, ever. EVER. The literal fucking years I've wasted not seeing other people because I thought the texting was something. It was never something.
Texting isn't anything. Texting is nothing. Texting is 100 fucking percent wasting your time.
I might write a longer post on this detailing why texting is useless for most dating purposes beyond logistics. It'd probably be worth discussing in depth, and it would help me in my personal level up journey to reflect again on some of those years now, post fds.
Awesome post and timely reminder, thanks Queen! 👑
Here's the post.
Nobody is talking about this but it's a very real thing. This happens very easily on the apps because nobody tells us the apps are where the leftover men gather and the ones who already have a live in forever gf.
I managed to advance a textuationship into (very briefly) dating IRL with someone. The false intimacy created from talking so much had me convinced that we could have that sort of "friends to lovers" arc. That was until he couldn't put actual effort into maintaining a relationship....because he still had a harem of other women he was texting on the reg. I was absolutely devastated when I cut him off because I built him up so much in my head and ignored the reality that he just wanted to use me (and all women in his harem) for an ego boost and female companionship. Now, if a man doesn't propose a date after a week of chatting, I write him off as not interested. These days men can't even seem to hold a conversation for that long anyway
I think a lot of people nowadays misuse texting. Texting was invented so you could send someone a quick non time-sensitive message without phoning them up and disturbing them and they could respond at their leisure. It was meant to be like leaving a message on someone's answering machine. Nowadays a lot of people use it in place of having conversations whether it's conversations over the phone or in person and I genuinely feel that's not what texting is meant for. I agree with FDS, any man who is interested in you will make plans to meet up in person after a few days of texting. If he doesn't then he's either looking for an ego boost or he's bored or he's stringing you along (and probably some other women as well).
IMO these men are either taken irl or catfish scammers.
I sort of had this but it's a bit more complicated. He did try to call me but I wasn't ready, however we also met in person several times. He drove to see me etc. (He lives far). The problem is that because he loves far, we texted more than we saw each other. He'd text me every evening, so it was very intense.
Anyway, I'm just saying that for a longish distance relationship, it's hard to avoid.
We've now broken up and though it was only 2 months, I'm actually heartbroken because the texting caused false but intense intimacy. I'm quite distraught.
Thank you for your post, Sister!
I do think it is so important that we avoid textuationships, and this can be so freaking difficult to do in this day and age.
We simply MUST make it an unbreakable boundary that we don't allow texts for any reason at all during the first few months of dating. This may seem unreasonable, but it will only scare away the scrotes!
HVM will realize this is absolutely necessary, and will be more than game.
We females need to recognize our weaknesses and actively work against them.
texting too much and for too long is an easy trap to fall into because we need to vet so much and be so careful all the time that meeting in person may generate a lot of anxiety. so we might text a lot and build (false) intimacy before we feel comfortable to meet the guy. i remember feeling very weird when a guy asked me out a few days into texting. i though it was too soon. we need to decondition ourselves from these mindtraps.
Excellent post, I was looking for this. It seems to be very common lately. As if they're too shy to meet in person. Even though we're in literal danger, but we're still more brave than they are.